She is attached now..

I open my cards again. It says someone I loved finally attached to another guy yesterday. the guys is dearest to My good friend.

I really look into my mind. who could that be. Could that be her? well. If it is her, I would have known it a long ago. It wasn't... her..

when I checked my facebook, I get a shock.. i dint find the real answer. but I can savely assume and it is confirmed and reconfirmed with proofs...

let me open my tag...


these are the list of girls I ever fall in love with.. and adjacent to the name it is my age when I fall in love...

Sheila 8
Dara 11
mary 13
nesya 14
nata 15
soraya 16
pink lim 17
cassie 17
adawiyah B Muhammad John 18
mega yessy 18
jessie 18
elvira 18
miue 19
**** **** 19
** **** 19


The last one is eventually revealed.

Sheila 8
Dara 11
mary 13
nesya 14
nata 15
soraya 16
pink lim 17
cassie 17
adawiyah B Muhammad John 18
mega yessy 18
jessie 18
elvira 18
miue 19
**** **** 19
Si Ning 19


No wonder these few days she is very Dao.. She is really building a large barrier between me and her. and yeah. she did vow to get over her feeling abt JS. (jia you siew ting ^^)
haha. It all cant be happening without a presence of another guy. Khng Wei Lun.. hahaha.. A guy that I admired after, JS and KYZ, is eventually becoming her suitor. I who came earlier in her life has failed to attract her.

Whats wrong with me. I am serious get really tired of this. Maybe I just have to admit, yes I am. I am freaking ugly. and I don't have any short from of attraction, in psychologically, physically, direct or indirectly.

I am tired. I am freaking tired. few days ago a gay friend of mine, confessed to me , he wanted me to be her bf. I believe I am still normal. I rejected him, like hell. I almost murdered him on the spot.

1.st I hate gays
2.nd I still like girls
3.rd I dont wanna be gay.

but maybe. Just maybe. I may be destine to be gay.. should I? hahahahahahha.... wht a thinking...

honestly I am freaking tired now. rushing for time that is not there. If by 28th march 2010 I am still single, I rather end my life straight away. I rather die than having to live in this situation. I am tired . I am very tired.

My bro younger brother had a minor car accident few days ago. reason? I heard he had a blow job when he driving the car. mhh. that is my brother. 2 years younger than me. and he has many girlfriend before. he drink, he smokes, he fucks. His favorite toy. Inflated condom. I envy him to certain extent. But I cant deny any longer, I am just an asshole. a total as hole.

I always wanted to go club , dance, and be a "cool guy". i asked lukman to bring me there. he said.
you go club for wht?

1st. you dont drink
2nd. you cant dance
3rd. u don't "play" with girls

seriously. i was very very very very very offended with his words. I always want to be a cool dudes who would attract girls just like as easy as snapping fingers, just like lukman, wei lun, JS, and maybe even KYZ, . I just want people to respect me.I want my brothers to look up on me. I am a guy. and a guy has pride. and I do have feelings.

I have failed as man,
I have failed as a guy,
I have failed as a brother,
I have failed as a friend,
I have failed as a human,
I have failed as a son,
I have failed as a lover,

maybe... I should just die...