Phobia

I wasn't taking about whether it is fair or not fair.

My limit has been stretched again. Still I couldnt understand the simplicity of life it self. What could I find from my profound self satisfaction. I could really go mad. I really do.

When I came back to singapore.. I could really see whats going to happen.

My friends will forget me..
Kevin will be indifferent to me..
Yunzhong will be more busy ...
I will be forgotten from any cca I join..
I will see my classmate again after 6monthes... Those who are Beyond Boundaries's virus...
and here it comes... the whole cycle begins again, full loneliness with mental deterioration...

I am still in indonesia, and it has been for a week now I miss school. I told my friends that I am sick. but the truth is.. I am not... I am too scared to return to Singapore.. really I am...

Bleak..

I am staring at the moon to night..

I ponder on how complicated my life is...

Why do I have to life in different world at a short time..

I envy NaiWang

I envy YunZhong..

I envy Kevin..

I envy those who could have a simple life..

a simple thought..

with no worry of distant future..

with less burden of unforgiving past...

Crazy prost

I am now at My company vegetable and fruits warehouse. It is kind of chilly here cuz the chiller is On. My job now is to control the flow of goods in and out the warehouse.

I kind of empty here in indonesia. Eventhough works and responsibility occupy my thoughts, there is still an empty room in my life. I feel lonely. All my indonesian friend has been gone somewhere else. Haiz.. Somehow I missed all my friends in singapore;

Naiwang,
Kevin,
Yuki,
Zack
Nicholas,
Yunzhong,
Indrani,
raihana,
siew ting..
and maybe eveline..

My life seems to be always incomplete. No matter where I go, No matter what I do. I couldnt be content with my self. I couldnt have a normal life like everyone else..

few days ago I made my company won S$240000 worth of contract.. and 2moro there will be another bidding for frying oil. I hope I could succeed again this time...

Nonetheless, I feel so lonely . My msn is blocked, and I could hardly get into facebook. I really had no one to chat to.. Instead now I made friends with some gangsters in the wholesale markets... fuyooh... They thought me how to extort money from the shop-keepers.. haha.. But i wouldnt do such thing... I had enough money on my pockets..

I am kind of scared if I go to wholesale market. The prostitute there, just couldnt stop eying on me. They were offering me free of charge "service".. and everytime I had to make up new excuses to decline their offer politely.. If i offend them they might call their "clients" who are mostly gangsters to beat me up..

But a 3 days ago was the last time I went to wet market.. one of the prost, at around my age, pretended that she was hit by a motorbike and asked me for help... I was reluctant to help, yet i bring here in to my pick-up . when I was searching for Emergency-kit , she locked the door and pushed me into the front seat.. she is suddenly when on top of me...and you know.. what.. ( I shall now describe further) ...Gosh.. I didnt know what to do.. I thought this time round being "polite" shall not work anymore... I quickly get out from the car.. and I shouted at her to really get lost from my pick up.. as soon as I shouted, she "miraculously" could walk normally.. the other prostitute and my "friends" were apparently nearby my pick up and they were jeering at her.. some how.. I gained more popularity in the market.. But i yet felt totally awful..

until now I am still having phobia to go to the wholesale market.. actually, I am fine with people in the market calling me handsome and hot and all.. But please.. Know your limits.. like totally..