Prayer to the god...

kadang-kadang manusia leka dengan dirinya sendiri. Apabila kegalauan tengah menghantuinya, dia akan terus berdoa kepada yang maha kuasa supaya dirubahkanlah nasib dirinya.

ketika dia masih dikucili
dia minta seorang sahabat

ketika dia masih terbelakang
dia minta maju kedepan

ketika dia kesepian
dia minta persahabatan yang dapat memberikan ketenangan

Dia minta pada tuhan sampai airmata yang menitis itu,
berubah menjadi darah..

Dia pohon pada tuhan ,
menagis dia
merintih dia
memohon ia dengan segenap tenaga

tapi....
apabila sudah terkabul...

dilupakanlah tuhan...
tuhan yang dulu pernah menciptanya
tuhan yang amat mengasihinya..
dan yang paling penting ialah...
tuhan...
sang tuhan yang mengabulkan permintaannya...
dilupakan!!!
dilupakanlah itu tuhannya...


dan ketika tuhan yang murka mengambil kembali berkah yang pernah dititipkan kepada itu manusia

manusia itu akan kembali ingat kepada tuhan...
kembali berdoa..
kembali merintih...
kembali menangis...
kembili memohon...
supaya dikabulkan....
permohonannya yang sama..

___________________________________________________________________
Aku mohon
ya... tuhan....
kembalikanlah dia kepada hakikatnya yang dahulu...
supaya dia tahu... siapa dia yang dahulu...
supaya dia sadar...
betapa bejatnyakah dia kali ini...
supaya dia mengerti...
setiap wisdom yang pernah aku berikan kepadanya...
supaya dia memahami... arti kasih sayang...
arti airmata...
arti berkah...
arti mukjizat...

dan arti sebuah persahabatan yang sejati...






------------------------------------------AMEN-----------------------------------------------

time passes.. people change ...

it is a great transformation from the way alex speaks to my brother today via msn.. Watever in his mind... wateve problem actually happens to him.. I just dont care... he simply ignores others feeling...

I will pray hard to my god today... to give him retribution for what he hav done

alex used to be not as superior as he is today..
by gods will ...
he was transfered to someone respected by many individuals..

that doesnt stop there...
he is getting overwhelmed with himself..
he now has himself transfered into someone who r just annoying...

I WISH GOD SHOWS HIS MIRACLE TODAY...

why must be me...

ALex and Anthony

In my life I have never been felt so sad... so miserable than having to admit alexander are no longer my good friend now... neither I am his good friend...

there is no need for a word to be uttered.. Just by knowing he has blocked my msn... I can already interpret his mind... and my conclusion is now... "he hates me"...

for days I have been trying hard to regard him as dead... I have been trying hard to discard all memories abt him from my mind... but all my attempts seem to have no success..

God...
why must you challenge me?
why must be alex you take away from me? why not some one else..
why must be my arch enemies , maybe behind of all this... why not Someone else...?

those questions linger in my mind almost every nights... making me felt difficult to even close my eyes in order to me to sleep peacefully..

and even if i finally manage to sleep... nightmares will surely haunt me in my dream...

when will this ends...? I am not sure... only god knows...

I dont even have a chance to pass him my own-written book that was dedicated to him...
God... why you treat me so unfairly like this...

only regrets and sadness that are left in the box of my mood... nothing else... simply... nothing...

mh...

mhh..

GOd.... I really dont know what to do now.. Seriously.... I am really giving up... Alex has turned bad... and I am speechless and helpless..

I am alone now.. NO one to talk to... No one to express my feeling to...
I am helpless now... No one cares abt me.. no one will offer me a helping hand...

I am just... giving up...

ALEX BLOCK ME!!!

My friendship with alex seems to end here... when he all of sudden without any clear reason block me in his MSN... This was exactly the same thing kenneth did to me 3 years ago... perhaps soon I will lose Christopher , jay and bustamin- my only remaining good friends... as how I lose Alex today...


THE FUCKING CURSE OF KENNETH FOO IS STILL TAKING EFFECT ON ME.... I HOPE GOD WILL GIVE RETRIBUTION TO THOSE KENNETH FOO"S COMPANY AND THOSE WHO HAVE HURT MY HEART UNREASONABLY....

GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD.................... SHOW ME UR MIRACLE!!!!

chronology of weighting balace..

perhaps I care too much abt alex..

the chronology was just like this...

in a friendship both party must have the equal contribution to each other..

friendship is just like a weighting balace... If one hand weights heavier and the other.. the device will have a bigger risk of toppling up side down.. and finally break apart ...

Thats what I can say abt him right now...

perhaps from now onwards... I shouldnt care abt him so much... let it goes normally.. and this time I shall let destiny decides what it wishes to do...

today I purposely asked him a question in order to know whether he was still care abt me.. Yap, he answered it positively initially.. but it doesnt go for so long as what I have expected.. soon he comes back to his old habit... which is "Ignoring me"..

Perhaps that is also how I should treat him, exactly the same as how he treat me.. and thus our "friendship balace" will be stable...

However It requires some time for me to adapt with that kind of situation... I hope the guy up there give me another chance to realise that dream...

I dreamt my dad salary gone high.. alex curse my english..

Hmm.. Yesterday I had a very funny dream.. In my dream my dad told me that his salary was raised by his company..it was cool though cuz its has already been years since my dad salary was stagnant , around Rp 50000000.00 or S$ 8600.00 per month. I hope that dream will sure come to reality and therefore I can purchase more things I want than now..

I remember the other day alex was damn pissed off with my terrible English speaking capability. I was damn sad when he really said that , because my English was just like that. It has been years since I living in Singapore, but yet , somehow my English language is now just far from fluency. If he really demands my english to get as good as him, I think he should teach me, instead of cursing me. Cursing would done nothing other than making me feel down..

Alex sees me as annoyance..

My worry eventually came into reality. Alexander finally shooed me off. He now regards me as irritants.

dear God,

It have been years since I never came face to face with kenneth foo shi hua. However his curse still takes effect on to me. and finally My only good friend Alexander, turn aside from me. Perhaps matthew chen and anthony lim were behind the plot. I dont know that, and I dont care. Alexander has a right to do anything he love to do.

I was too jealous of matthew chen and anthony lim. I just cannot take the fact that my arch enemies were actually My best friend's -alexander- good friends. I was too afraid that matthew chen and anthony lim who were undisputed crony of kenneth foo would one time influence alexander to hate me , as how other crony of kenneth foo did that to my previous best friend -Benjamin Lim- and succeeded.

Due to my over jealously, I automatically forced my self to get closer to alexander as fast as possible. Somehow I became more over concern abt alexander and over talkative, and all I did were merely to get alexander attention. Unfortunately ,in turn, alexander saw it as annoyance and eventually he blew his top and almost intent to block me in msn.


Dear god, you know and I know that I am not totally gay, and I recognize alexander as my good friend, not as gayfriend. However If you really wish to take alexander back from me.. you may take him away.. but in turn plz help me ease my emotion. Cuz , often I kept thinking abt him and almost every week I would at least had him in my dream, being my best friend. But when I am awaken , and I realised it was just a dream, sometimes I just couldnt resist of letting my tears fell downwards towards the earth. Plz help me to get away from all this stupid feeling. cuz I dont want to be called as "gay" again. That is the sharpest word I ever heard.

I have a lot af story i wanna share wif alex. If only he could just listen to me and stop saying " I dont care". My hope was just simple.. I just want alex to regard me as his friend..

mhh.. I hope Alexander is happy doing what ever he wish to do...