Penat..

I have to leave behind things that i do not want, or refuse to believe. Friendship that fades and never to return. And its cycle that keep repeating again and again in my life. If 4 month ago I had plenty of friends on my friendlist, today, the number has decreased tremendously.

YunZhong has been slowly but surely moving outwards from my social cycle. This time round , I give up. I surrender everything to the will of destiny.

Indra, Cst, Debbie, nas, and all, even if they are quite distant from me, I can see my friendship with them is so far unbreakable. Siew ting, become a better friend ever since she rejected me. but one thing for sure, there are dryness in the air. I feel so empty.

I miss indra, I miss yunzhong, I miss all of them.

Yeow hon has changed alot. I do not know how to communicate well with him. But I dont have worry, when It comes into project, I am still able to communicate with him. I work professionally, in which I can seperate between work, and personal issues.

As what I have mentioned the cycle repeats again.................

Recently, I am close to this friend of mine, His name is Kelvin. He is a malaysian chinese. I knew him from week zero, he is my fellow mentor. We take chinese orchestra as new cca, and we both play the same intrument. Dizi.

From him, I knew another friend, His name is Jun Yuan. He is singaporean. And he talks hell alot!! and sometimes a bit irritating.

Another friend I made, Panyu and Sherline, they were my mentees. Panyu is a bit gay, but yeah.. he is very funny sometimes. hahaha. and sherline is cool.

Dear god, I am very grateful for the new friends you have given me. but If this humble servant of yours is given another chance to plead. I would like to plead, Please... please my god... do not take yunzhong, indra, siew ting, and their 'gang' away from my social cycle.. They have really left a significant footsteps on my life.. I pray this as and always, in everynite and before dawn... amin..

Tuhan...
bijaksanakah aku..
Bermain dalam keliru...
Bercanda dalam sendu...
Sumpah aku tak mengerti...
apakah suaraku adalah racun?

Mungkin setiap langkahku
selalu dibendung celaru
bilakah ku menemukan impian
yang telah bertahun tahun..
berabad abad kusimpan di dalam arkib harapanku
apakah janji itu palsu..
ya... janjiku pada diriku sendiri...
kalau suatu hari...
aku akan menjadi seorang manusia
yang patut dibanggakan...
yang patut diperhatikan..
bukan sebagai sampah..
yang selalu dilupakan..
seperti angin yang berhembus...
dan menghilang bigitu saja...

Dimanakah pelangi
beritahu aku...!
kenapa langit diam tersendu..
jawablah pertanyaanku...
apakah persahabatan itu nyata...
ataukah hanyalah racun yang membunuh mindaku...
tanpa bumi.. suria tetaplah bulat...
tanpa sahabat... akankah hidupku terhambat?

jangan biarkan aku sendiri...
terjun jatuh kedalam lembah yang sendiri kau tanam..
jangan biarkan aku menangis...
jangan biarkan aku mengembara...
bagai tak berarah...

Mungkinkah tuhan...
yah...
tuhan yang menciptakanku
lalu meninggalkanku begitu saja...
dipenjara yang disebut.. "kehidupan"

Persahabatan yang meredup...
dan aku enggan terus hidup..
biarlah aku mati..
bersama dengan hari hariku..
yang selalu membuatku malu


apakah aku ini manusia?
haha...
aku penat...
aku bosan dengan penat...
jangan biarkan aku berkhianat..
atau bertuding dengan sifat laknat...

aku penat...
Kau perkenalkan aku dengan YunZhong...
Indra, siew ting.... dll...
lalu kau ambil mereka kembali..
haha..
aku penat...
sampai bila jam ini berdetak...
mungkin jiwaku enggan bergerak serentak...
aku penat..
aku harap..
jangan biarkan aku berjelaga jika ku sendiri....

By. Alexander Demetrius.