alex get irritated

the reason why I had not updated my blog for so long wasnt because I was lazy doing it so... well The internet connecting down here in my boarding house makes me sick-taking so long just to update one kb of file- . and thats why I was lazy blogging for some time..

well, actually I wasnt honest abt it man...

Alexander now getting from horrible to terrible. He hates me. yap! as what I have foreseen by the first time I had a chat with him.. I dunno lah ... lets see whether or not I could actually take this burden.. Mh a burden of having trusted friend of mine going to turn against me.. I hope He didnt really mean it..

poem of incomprehensible

dont ASK me where I am going
cuz I also do know the answer

dont ask me what I am doing
cuz I you know the answer

I dont choose to be sad
but sadness chooses me to be his master

do you get it?
GET IT?

wah... today is so tiring...

Today was so not interesting type of day (WTF)

I woke up at 12 at noon.. then went to bras basah to buy art stuff.. I spent s$342.24 for that which probaby I wont use all of it.. argghh what a waste.... =.=
and then when I was going home , well I took the correct bus , 12, but unfortunately going the opposite direction.. and the the series of tiring events had just begun...


I walked by feet to outarm park mrt along with handful packages of my purchases... I got lost inside the mrt cuz it seems like a gigantic maze there.. It was really tiring man

wah.. finally I my reached kembangan station.. In order to save 50 cent I preferred to walked from kembangan mrt to my house which initially i supposed it was near , therefore walking is no sweat..(well, propabably yes, if only I dont have lot of things to carry)
.. as a result of my miscalculation plus my thriftiness ,I couldnt even lift both of my arms by the time I reach my room... My muscles seemed to twist around to one another...


Alexander.. mhh.. I dunno lah.. I count on him so much.. but it was fun to chat with him on the line last nite.. although the conversation was very dry. He was listening to my stories all the way but I dunno why he somehow feel reluctant to share his story with me..

mhh..I wanna know sumthing abt him.. I hope one day he will trust me..

anyway for the guy up there... finally you have grant my wish.. thx for bringing alexander to my life.. mhh.. I am very happy to him as my friend... I wish It will always be in that way... however, I am always in ur free will.. amen /amin

wha

talking kok with alex onli... fak got nothing to do...

Alex angry

During national day yesterday I took my day off to go to embassy for celeberation.. After celeberation I went out with all my ex-classmates from indonesian school last time.. What a luck, meet dian there after 3 years of seperation cuz she migrated to UK 3 years ago... we watch mevie and had fun...

alexander.. He seems so angry to me .. but I know he just too afraid to express it.. I promised him not to sms hin stupid masseges anymore.. but I expect him to massage me once he is free.. I know he wont do that..

I think I have failed to make friend with him... OMG... I am so regretful of what I was doing to him...

I AM JUST So ............. IRRITATING!!!

Group studying--- troublesome..

today I ask matthew and alexander for a group study...

Matt said, he simply dont want to study in group together with me... why? I dunno, maybe he afraid kana raped by me.. he told me that .. "no, I will only pull you down"..

Actually, I just feel comfortable to have someone to study with.. regardless wheater they are smart or not.. thus I can study better,,

I asked alex.. he said he cant because his house is far away .. then I ask him..

" i just ask ar, don be naive.. plz answer honestly.. do u eve think like this ..' euh, this bayu wil only bring ,my marks down if i study with him,, cuz he is more stupid than me, thus I dont benefit anything form him by studying with him!".. Plz answer honestly.. and And I will not ask u for a group study for the time being if it gives u burden.. dun worry , cuz every single of my friend who are smarter especially those in e1 and e2 think thay way to me.. they even told me directly.. and I nvr get mad dispite being so dissapointed.. thats their right to choose what is good for them and abandon what is less benefical for them.. And I do understant my status as less intelligent friend"

hahah.. so much for massaging , he simply say, "no I nvr think that way"..

then I ask cornelius... He told me he only want to study together with me if someone else wants..

So I ask mike... he didnt ans,...

I asked crossby, he said "he must know the timing first"

wah..
so complicated.. just for arraging a group studying..


+.+


Today I also had my english O level oral examination... I think I manage to entertain the examiner because they keep laughing at my jokes during the examination... hahaha... Hopefully I will get distinction for my oral...

Again I ask encik annuar regarding the progreaa of publication of my book.. but still... I did not recieve any reply from them.. maybe I just need to forget abt it for the time being, and focus more in my study.. Otherwise I will fail my.. O level..

alex is Ok and matthew han

I was stupid.. Alex has never intent to ignore me.. he is just too busy studying.. I now admit, I was too sensitive..

I told alex all my life problems, he seemed quite unhelpful a certain extent.. I think he just simply did not know what to do as well.. But I was very greatful because he wanted to listen to my story.. He suggested that I should not repeat my Mother tougue O level examination which i got A2 for the first trial so maybe I could concentrate on my other studies.. I might be considering his suggestion .. When I asked him whether he believe in God and Miracles, he simply answered "mhh.. yes"..

the expression "mhh.." there suggesting me that he was also quite unsure with what he said.. similar goes to me too..

Today matthew han offered me to buy his poem, not that I didnt wanna buy, I just got no money to buy, and it simply was less profitable to me to buy it.. The poem was very good, it pictured a great regret that is hauting him upon failing his mother toungue O level examination.. this is the poem..

waiting eagerly
with much glee
so that they could see
tension that great, in your pants you could pee
wishing hopefully
grades are secured from "A" to "C"

results on paper, teacher starts reading
in other schools nationwide, girls start weeping
or the complete opposite, students by school corridors singing,
"i passed mother tongue! where are the textbooks? START BURNING!"

happy candidates begin to laugh and joke
about plans after school, drink and smoke
but for the rest that are just too broke
skip joyously home to break the news to their folk

not so happy ones cry and regret
the upcoming punishment they'll get
which will never make them forget
"you need good grades to be fed"

the rest that passed but not so well
reflected heavily as they fell
questions from people on their grades, they did not tell
sat quietly in class thinking, waiting for the school bell
"do you even know how to fail?"
don't fret bro, welcome to hell.

I could price it around 40-60 dollars, if i were the editor of newspaper or maganize and matthew intent to contribute that poem in my media.. Well.. then I told him to send his poem to strait times , newpaper or any magazine, they may pay him if it get published..

Matthew has to understand on thing. it is not easy to have his poem sold for money.. same thing goes the same way to any poet even to the greatest poet of the world..

What a true poet should have in their mind is..

- a satisfaction when people read his poem and like it
- and not an expectation that people will buy his poem

Alex ignoring me...

Alexander and matthew chen

I guess this blog marks the end of my friendship with alexander eng..

Alexander seemed to be ignoring me this days.. he cant be bothered to ans my sms..After so much for research I have found out that matthew chen seemed to be playing a backstage role beyond this. Truthfully, I do really angry and furious knowing this.. Again I have lost my friendship.. Kenneth foo shi hua influences is still wondering in every part of the school..

From this day onwards I will return every single piece of my future to the god.. I have given up.. I have given up.. If alexander has to be the next benjamin lim, SO be it... I beg the mercy of the God to grant my everlasting friendship with alexander eng..

go alex house at wednesday

Huah... Long time I never write blog.. What an unpreseistent man..


I have just came back from indonesia, having my teeth repair.. Haha.. so Boring..

After national day celeberation in the school, I went to study together with alex in bishan.. Wah.. unfortunately he was forgotten abt it.. so i ahve to wait for him for abt 2.5 hours..

We met at thomson Plaza then study at kfc there.. He was holding to a skate and told me that he reach there by skate.. huahahha...

We only study for less than 1 hour.. huah.. so much so for waiting him.. then He ask me wheter I want to visit his house.. i say anything lar...

On the way to his house his friend suddenly need a ciggarate.. ya lah.. his friend is tobacco-addictided... I was the eldest there so he ask me to help him but ciggarete..

After so much for "pretending to be foreigner ,talk like indon ass hole" I still cant manage to get ciggarate from 7 11.. what make it worse, everyone inside laugh at me cuz my so called "fake accent'... Luckily alex and his friend were not there, they were waiting outside..

Just for a momment in alex house.. then alex told me to go home cuz he was abt to go fishing with his family.. lar.. then ... studying , how leh? ...

donno and dont care.. hahahhaa...I went home with a half happy and half dissapointed face..

Why happy? for so long I finally go out with singaporean... why dissapointed? cuz I only study for less than 1 hours.. =.= mhh...

Finally I got sick

Today I am sick... .. That is a hot news man!!

It have been since july 2006 I had never get sick at all untill now.. I guess that is a world record.. hahaha.. Alexander is also so funny.. haha .. he made me forget abt my sicknesss.. I am still unsure whether I should go sch tommorow despite being given an mc by the doctor..

The worst thing was that... in the school matthew said , " when u complained that no one want to make friend with you, everyone is giving hand to u, but now it seems that u take that for granted.. I guess we are the one who is bullied by you right now "

wow !! that's really sharp and mean.. I was abt to cry when i heard that.. But i did appreciate his effort to remind me so that I wont get even worse.. I was really grateful to him..

and now I realise my mistake.. I hope It wont be too late to make ammendments..

hahahaha

Today I went to library alone.. then I watch movie alone... mhh what a loner..

Alex seems pissed off cuz I kept coversing in poetry language with actually he couldnt understand.. I assumed that he likes poetry cuz his english is good, however I was wrong.. when I asked "do u like poetry and literature?"

He answered , "not really"

Then I said , "no wonder "

then he grumbled," I think u shouldn't assumed everyone loves poetry. It turns people off."

.... feeling guilty i replied , " I am sorry, dont angry plz"

then he answered ," Dude it's Okay man. Take a chill pill."

chill pill? lolx.. thats funny..


lou you yu finnally reached taiwan,. then she gave me her hp numb... and we start smsing in chinese.. Thats a little difficult to me cuz, I need to refer to pin yin dictionary and retype it in computer to get a correct phrase then finally I can wrote it in my handphone.. =.= .. but that's ok, in order to achieve a big success we must be able to make a big sarcrifice as well...

....miserable day...

wah...

Today i asked alex to join me visit the library tomorrow... but he cant.. he said "there's a lot of think to do".. but this wont refrain me from going to national library 2moro..

I asked cassandra to hang out with me also this weekend.. but she said.. "I think I am meeting someone tomorrow".. the she asked.. 'Why u are asking me suddenly"..

Actually I wanna say, "cuz I want to hang out with someone i like" .. but then i am too meek to say that so I said... " mhh.. donno, I just got no one to hang out with.." ... she was indifferent for quite sometime...

hahaha.. Today I feel horible cuz, qian pink actually sees me as "harassing her" even if I didnt do anything to her... so I sent her a piece of poem as testimonial..

Biar ku biarkan cintaku pergi..

Biar kubiarkan cintaku pergi
kerana ku tahu kamu sudah ada yang memiliki
tak ingin lagi ku ingkari
kenyataan yang begitu pahit dihati

Amos?
Dia memang pantas buatmu
bukan aku menyerah sebegitu
tapi kerana aku memang tahu
dialah yang berhak mewarnai hidupmu

Aku berjanji..
Aku tak akan cemburu..
tak kan lagi kuberikan beban padamu..
dan aku mengerti..
kehadiranku tidak lagi kau harapkan..

Dan aku kan terus bahagia..
Kerana dapat mengenalmu sebagai sahabatku..


(Translation)

And I should let my love begone..


And I should let my love begone..
because I know that u belong to somebody
And I could not deny any longer
reality that seems bitter to taste..

Amos?
he is perfectly suit for u
is not that i give up
but I just trully understand
that only he who deserve to paint beutiful colours on ur live

And I do promise
I wont ever be jealous
I wont ever give u another burden
cuz I knew..
my presence is a mere annoyance..

And I will anlways be happy
cuz I can always recognise u as my friend..


and she said ..

' pinkpink confuse? says:
=.=
' pinkpink confuse? says:
hahas
' pinkpink confuse? says:
i think.. u can find someone better bahh



mhh.. I am totally in depair and confusion...

I am happy

matthew
marchus chua
school
me

colin



memang manusia diciptakan dengan sifat berbeda beda..
dan say menegerti itu....

Today i am quite happy.. I am getting more and mre friend day by day.. mhh.. I can say I am happy these days... Thx to alex...without him I wont be able t change....

huh

Finally... I have done my lat editing of my poetry book... hoahh...

today's matt b'dae

today is matthew's b'dae.. I have bought for him a speciall b'dae gift (mini toon voodoo doll) the day earlier.. But today when he recieved it, he was quite indifferent.. well I should understand that I am no body, and the fact that he got friend in abudant.. thus, alot of people give him b'dae present... I hope I could once be like him..

Haha... I did a friendly hug with matthew.. honestly that was the first time I ever hug a guy... =.=
my comment is.. "it seems that hugging girls is still much better".. lolx ..

Alexander becoming more friendly day by day.. I am so happy that finally i have a friendship with someone.. "smarter" than me...

+.+

today I have learn in what perspective should I see friendship. Mr chng told me to ignore kunal, and ben lim simply because they are both not worthy enough for my friendship. I finally understand that. and I agreed with mr chng.

Therefore I have changed the dedication of my book, from ben lim, kunal , qian pink... into a person named alexander eng, who has brought my life back.. he is not my good friend but at least I am lucky to be his friend...I hope my friendship with will still continue at least... for this week..

Publication of my book

Encik annuar Othman told me that by today I should have recieved that softcopy of my book for my last approval.. I asked him abt it yesterday thru sms.. He merely answered "Encik rosman will sure email you once he had finished editing" ... I believe If this unurgent attitude has to continue the launching date of my poetry book will have to be delayed again after being delayed from 29 of july to 24 of august...

Alex said, " stop massaging me"

today I was trying to study again, as what alex tought me.. but it was really hard ... obstacles seemed to block my way, in any way..

this morning I tried to ask for alex help again, I thought maybe he could give me some advice which is useful for my "struggle" to start studying hard again just like last time.. mhh unfortunately he answered:

"dude you cant massage me morning till night man, there's a reason i'm leaving my phone off half of the time and it's cause I don't want distractions."

feeling disappointed of him, I just answered.. "k, i see"

mhh... dear diary, I know, that's the attitude of a creature named human. most of them are kind cuz they are willing to help other, however almost half of them will stop helping in the mid point.. and that's only make matter worse..

They should be either, "not to help at all" or "to help completely"

Kunal? I still decided not to massage him so often again... I completely washed my hand on him.. He thinks he can do it himself, well that's quite good mindset though... so much for a tremendous spirits.. however he has forgotten sumthing.. It is karma... and no one can escape from it.. no matter how smart the person is..

cassandra?
I did massage ger last night, saying sorry cuz I was rude to her the other day while talking in msn... I said that she become short because her boobs are too big and it weighed herself down preventing her body to grow upwards.. To my surprice she answered " who are u? ".. and I answered "I am bayu, I think u have forgotten abt me, well nevermind you dont have to remember though, have a nice day"...

I was axpecting her to answer " how could I forget abt you, you should have mentioned ur name earlier cuz i had not saved ur number in my contact list" ... but the fact is, she cant be bothered to answer my sms... after waiting for her reply for so long finally I fell asleep..

In my dream I dreamt that i became alex best friend forever.. when suddenly I was awaken by irritating ringings of alarm clock at 09.00 am , i wished I could dream much longer... but when i had managed to close my eyes, that wondeful dream I had just had was never repeated.. with fury I threw the alarm clock till it breaks apart, as a punishment for disturbing my sleep and banishing my beautiful dream that seldom comes in my sleep....

Alex ngajarin blajar

Ini 3 photo cassandra









Ini tiga photo alex




tau gak.. hari ini gw buat blog lagi.. mungkin udah yang ke seribu kalinya.. biasalah gw ini gak konsisten.. klo ada maunya aja baru jalan... kata pepatah.. "hangat hangat tai ayam"..

Gw bukan gay ya.. tapi gak tau kenapa rasanya pengen banget temenan sama orang cina, bukan hanya cewe, tapi juga cowo.. keramen, gw kenalan sama temen satu sekolah namanya alexander.. ganteng sih, yah sedikit di bawah gw lah , putih mukanya..tapi sayang rada judes... dia bae amet... pinter lagi.. moga moga gw bisa sahabatan terus sama dia..

ALEX NGAJARIN bagaimana caranya untuk belajar dengan consisten.. dia bilang.. "terus aja belajar, dan kalau ada gangguan biarkan saja dan jangan dihiraukan".. "kalo gak dipaksaain mana bisa"..

Baik banget yang si alex.. dia peduli sama gw.. gak kayak kunal.. yang selalu hanya mementingkan diri sendiri saja..

Masih terus terngiang ngiang di telinga gw suara cassandra, emang kayaknya gw jatuh cinta deh sama dia.. tapi kayaknya dia gak suka sama gw... gak tau deh knapa..?