The Dark Ages..

Today is my mp judging.. it doesnt go that well..

I couldnt let go that friendship that almost collapse... and yet.... yet I couldnt let it go...

The dark ages will be fallen upon me... I can forsee...

The wall in my deepest heart is crumbling apart... no tears to drop ... I am just so sad... Why couldnt I express my mind to anyone... friendship that I do not have... I have to always put this mask on my face to tell them that i am fine... how could I? how could anyone? hear my story...

they says guy wouldnt cry... well I dont.... but deep inside my mind is flooding with tears that I have been trying to hold for ages.. I couldnt... I couldnt tell anyone for good damn sake...

I am like staring at the empty seas... in the empty oceans... in the empty meadows... when rain and thunderstorm blushed me away.... Who could give me a sense of comfort....? or... or it is just a halutination that I possesses ever since I was born.. ?

In Relationship

For the first time in my life.. today I am in relationship.. well.. a lil bit embarrassing cuz... Miue was the one who confesses to me first... and I told her, I couldnt give her any answer... cuz I fall for Yuki now..

However Miue asks me to put the rela thingy in facebook with her.. "for fun...", she said... well ... I did it at her request... but just for a few days...

So am I in relationship? well.. perhaps partly yes... It is not that I dont like Miue... The whole world knows that I used to like her.. and actually.. I do all this is just because I care for her... I do not want her to get disappointed.. I am falling for Yuki now.. I just be honest to her abt this...and I am glad she understands this...

Thank you God for giving me such an understanding friend... and perhaps 'Girlfriend'... for now...

The journey ends...

Didnt You know that I am the one you created have feelings? perhaps you have just forgotten as you keep showering me with obstacles in my life..

Today marks the end of my journey in Cent, so does my journey in anywhere else. The room is being cleaned, the new maincom arised.. new rules... and rules at it seems regardless all the execption... My locker seems to be going to get removed, so does my card access too just like all the year threes' that is going to get recognition during the AGM for the services.... I was not part regarded as part of anything... I am an outcast even within my own people...

My fate perhaps... that i have to stand alone again... forgetting all that is seems to be too hard to forget... especially all the friends that I have made in cent club.. I couldnt afford to forget... But i have to... Life has never been fair to me... Today was an awesome performance... and awesome outing... farewell guys....

My life seems too pain much more than death itself....

I and Yuki had a quarell last nite... She tried to know who is my crushed... so send me this "love metre" website... without hesistation i put in the name of my crushed, being curious to know what would be the reading of the application... I was fooled.. The application actually send the name to a common domain in which yuki could find out who my crushed is... as I wrote "myo myat soe (muie) and Yuki".... she commented... "haha I know who your crushed is... myo and me"...

trully I was furious... as a guy.. I promised that I wouldnt talk to her forever... despite being unable to sleep to the rest of the night... confused... of what i have done...

Life sees no boundaries... My life is getting more terrible day by day... I could not say anymore... I have no where to go now... simply... I feel like running away forever... I hope I will never return back ... never..

Myo (miue) is now no difference to Siew Ting... we are close... and yet so further apart... and I didnt wish to be together too... they are such a precious friend that i have...

save me my god... just lift me up... get me away from all these sufferings...

Pondering upon the empty soil

the only thing about fear is fear its self. That is the quotation that I am trying to educate myself to.

What is fear?
Fear is an emotional response to a perceived threat.
and that is according to wikipedia .com

but what really fear is.. Things that happen today , before and will happen tomorrow in my life has a profound puzzle that is waiting to be cracked.

people can precieve me for being to emotional or closeminded at some part of my feeling. But really it breaks the gender codes. Generally guys do not talk about feeling even if they are really feeling down... They only whack each other's shoulder and just let problems passes.. however I believe not all guys the same.. we are part of the uniqueness of living being created by the devine hands... be it perfect or imperfect both has to flow within acceptence and logical means....

Most of the time I am trying to break the code of the devine gift.. I am trying my self to alter other's perspective about me so much that I ignore my own emotional needs.. Everything seems to fall for the game and not from the game .