KYZ EVE

Yesterday I almost "exploded" infront of yunzhong... I was so pissed off to eveline... She gave the 28 dollars to yunzhong to be passed back to me...

why she has to return the money that i actually used to treat her ?
why she must passed to yunzhong rather than directly give it to me?
Is is trying to avoid me?
true enough she doesnt answer any of my msg neither my call for a week now ... she says she is very bz... well only the almightly and eveline herself would know the real truth... I was speechless the whole night... too sad to even cry...

I am seriously pissed off with God..Why must I like a girl that has a secret love with yunzhong, my friend?

I tried to tell me myself again and again, that yunzhong is indeed innocent, he doesnt do anything wrong.. Eveline just fall to him by herself.. and yunzhong himself hardly entertains her..

God.. I hope this "like" shall never changed to "love".. I do not want to lose both eveline and yunzhong.. I would rather lose my own life... haiz.. Yunzhong is one of the best buddies I ever have, and eveline... haiz.. she is just.. just indescribable.

Haiz again...

I have very big problem with yeow hon. Totally, I dislike his chracter as he always looks down on me. He tottaly doesnt respect me at all. I will have a tough job on my mp in the proceeding time to come, due to the totally break on redundant communication with yeowhon, I could only communicate with adawiyah.

I am not holding my grudge here or wht so ever. I am just being realistic. I don't care how long friendship has last, if he doesnt show my respect, he doesnt reserve my repect either. I have a tough time ahead. Eveline is getting further from my social cycle.

friendship a month ago..


Close social cycle:

Eveline,
kelvin,
yeow hon,
ada,
indra,
raihana,

boundary of social cycle:
yunzhong,
marcus,
siew ting,



friendship now




Close social cycle:

liyou,
Yunzhong,
marcuz
ada,
raihana,
siewting ,
indra


boundary of social cycle:

eveline,
yeowhon
kelvin,

Demush

I think It requires only a simple thought to decipher the complexity of human's mind. Complexity cannot be tamed with another complexity. Just like someone who tries to understand the universe by calculation and mathematical theorem, and indeed he shall never find the real answer.

We just have to stop pondering and start understanding my the simplest mind.. just like a child was just born into the earth.

A long sleep

I have just woke up from a long along sleep.

I have just attending chine orchestra orientation camp. I have made new friend there. Li you and kin ren.

Li you (19) is a Malaysian girl. She has been in Chinese orchestra for a year now. She is a very fun girl to be friend with.

Kin ren (16) is a singaporean dude. He is very young but yet he looks older than me. Haha. He has a very mysterious character. But yeah.. He is fun and cool..

Hopefully we can be better friends.

Well.. Most of the time people will converse on "channel 8" in my Chinese orchestra cca. Well it is a 'chinese' thing after all. But what I love about the people, they are very caring.. They will sometimes change to channel 5 if i look a bit lost in comprehending their conversation.

These days I will be a bit preoccupied with cent video PBL shooting.

My friendship with yunzhong is getting better. We have a mutual understanding these days. We both know that everyone has their own unique character and we should respect that difference.

looking for the light...

I stay awake for practically 6 hours now... My mind keep wondering around... My heart beat speeds yet my soul is somewhere else..

I couldn't figure out what I really want now.. most of my time these days i spend with sitting down alone at home... if not wait for myself to rot out of boredom... I wouldn't bother to ask my friends for outings anymore.. too tired of receiving rejects from them...

I am trying to understand yun zhong more than I think I have understood... He is a good man, I believe... far better than what could you see in the surface... Haiz... Honestly... maybe some people are living together with the hope they created...

Eveline told me, " let him be... getting lost in his own world... and not knowing wht to do.. one day... he surely find the light he has been searching for... "

I have no idea why am I doing all this to him.. out of pity? out of humanity? maybe I believe I just want to the a true friend for him... that is more than enough...

No one shows me respect... I rot at home... they simply don't bother... I couldn't plead for more.. maybe respect is not wht we get.... it is what we earn... perhaps I simply don't deserve any .. just yet..

and yeah... I stop talking to eve for 2 days now.. it is a long story...

I am no longer the centre of universe..

I means a little thing for those who are in good mood.. Maybe they forget... I am bored, rotten at home.. but it means much for me, when they ask me out...

I am seriously Hate this life here in singapore.. ALL of my friend... Yeah... all. Seems to be a puppet... I wish I get off this nation very very soon..

The power of boredom is too much... I am defeated... now I am no longer the center of the universe..

be brave...

I thank you god ,for the good day I am granted today. I have learnt "the secret" that helps me laugh when I suppose to cry... and makes me delighted when I am happy... I drives my bad mood away... and it encourages good energy flowing in body...

I am happy... I am delighted... You have given me the best friend ever... although I always fail to regard them as my good friend , always my mind be preoccupied on trying to build friendship with aliens or attempting to rebind a broken friendship...

Cahya yang lewat

Cahya yang lewat..
belum ku dapat...
walau jiwa dibendung khianat..
Aku tetap setia bertobat..

Di bawah singgahsana tuhan...
Aku bersujud...
Sebagai hamba yang lemah..
Yang bersumpah..
Aku akan berubah..

Bila detik mulai berbisik
dan jarum jam yang tidak kunjung berhenti
mataku enggan terpejam..
tawaku
akan terus terbuka dengan senyuman..

jangan kau membawa api..
karna akan ku simbah dengan air sebaldi
aku memang lemah
tapi aku tidak bodoh...

Biarkan aku menjadi hamba yang bersahaja..
walau panah menusuk kalbu...
aku tak mau jadi keliru..

I pledge..

In the name of the god.. I am stucked.. I do not knw how shall I respond... I will just follow wht my heart says... I follow the game as it still be the game.. end it.. right away.... end it... right away..

I pledge... I shall never be the demetry I used to be... this time round... I pledge upon my own blood... Or death...

My heart is dead...
My vein has stopped..
I wouldnt say anymore..
My mouth shut...
And my heart shall never be open..
For the rest of the year..