Dash of memory

You have no Idea how much I love you, how much your image lingers in mind. It is such a pain day by day just to wait for your answer. Every second counts. Like a needle which punctures my brain. Have a pity for me. Have a pity for a mere human like me.

Scrambled.

Manifestation of my own life... But rather I paint it by my own... I believe in you my God..

dawn

This may not be me. rather manisfestation of my own life.

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God spoke.

When the God tells you that you have accomplished a mission, He really means that you are actually not. You have just started a new mission in your journey.

a journey which by truth is created and shaped by your very own imagination and believe.

lost

I have indeed lost track of my own soul..

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Stand in-front of me

Honestly.. It is undeniable that I must find job as soon as possible.

I have also have to build a better plan for my future to come. There is just one thing that stand in-front of me. It is myself.

dawn

I want to die.. honestly.. right now I am at the other side of the wheel..

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Reinvention

Humans are indeed created to reinvent itself . Right start from it's creation.. I am reinventing myself in the most sophisticated way. This massage may be short but it carries a heavy comprehension. Deeper than any other post that I had every wrote in my blog.

shame

days have gone pretty unique in my life.. surrounded by my best buddies I feel that there are still a valid reason for me to carry on in my life..

god.. thank you for everything.. my life is kinda sucky now.. but I think I can still carry on.. hopefully..

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Friendship And BrotherHood

For a reason that I am unable to control this hatred that enraged my heart. I swear that I can take care myself without any of your intervention.

Life is 20% on what happen on you and 80% on how you react to it..

Grateful

I am now in the office thinking about things that I am not suppose to think.. Hell yeah.. I have work to do, but still I am blogging like forever !!

Days have gone pretty well for me Large number of friends suddenly appear in my Life... All of sudden.. It is rather ... Make me tired.. Alot.. But I am very grateful to the guy up there.. =)

deep hatered

There no simplicity in the continuity of life. Speak the truth and you shall understand how the world reacts upon us.

brotherhood is a word. a simple word. however it takes me years to understand it.

Break the chain.

Is there a way for us the break the chain that binds us tight an unforgiving chain we called "life".

For most of the time I ponder. My life is just an unforgiving continuation of pain and suffering.

Blind

I will just have to come into conclusion sooner or later, how far could I really travel in times of trouble.

I see it by myself , I am building this fortification too fast , much faster than what I can eventually handle.

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Blind

I will just have to come into conclusion sooner or later, how far could I really travel in times of trouble.

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Brotherhood dillema

iI could like for instance conquer other's physchology.. but never I am able to conquer my own phycology.. it is a sense of lost that I find as I am trying to search what I want in my life..

the one million dollar question now is.. do I enjoy drinking?

I spent $1100 on drinking outing (clubs, pubs, party) last month with four different cliques. but really, I dont feel worth it. now I feel wasted. am I really 'investing' those money or actually wasting it to the drain?

here is the mood metre rate after I hang out with each group.

burmese friends
hapiness : 60%
sense of brothethood : 50%
future investment ratings: 99%
average amont spent per outing:$ 100

marcus wong friends (if we bring any)
hapiness :80%
sense of brotherhood :80%
future investment ratings :90%
average amont spent per outing:$ 150

Roomate and friends
hapiness: 85%
sense of brotherhood :50%
futute investment ratings: 83%
average amont spent per outing:$ 180


luqman and friends
hapiness: 56%
sense of brotherhood :90%
future investment ratings: 55%
average amont spent per outing:$ 90 (but I need to belaja most of the time)

soon or later I will hv to decide which group I hv to consider just as close friends and which I hv to consider as real brothers. for the time being,I am just tired I want to rest
.

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brother..

four monthes ago I only have 2 groups of brothers. Burmese gang and Marcus wong. But now really, I have 4 groups of brothers, Luqman gang, burmese gang, marcus's gang , and roommate gang.. each ( except marcus) demands too much attention from me.. and jealous of me hanging out with the othet group.. man.. I am tired..

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Dunia

Di dunia ini tidak ada yang paling menyedihkan daripada membakar harapan sendiri yang dulu pernah dipupuk sampai dini.

Mhh

There no single moment in my life that my brain is killing me except this day. It keep bombarding me with Ideas, thoughts and despite I am linguistically less proficient in English I could at time in my ponder utter many unusually-spoken vocabulary.

God please save me.

The Chinese.

The Chinese has learnt to paint their life with black slash of ink and yet the manage to create a beautiful painting.

I have more colors than them and yet I have no Idea how to paint my life.

dreed

I lose everything that I have now, from a simple respect to understanding. really hv no where to go to put my face.

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ni de cheng nuo Lyric

乌云遮蔽了天空

wū yún zhē bì le tiān kōng

Dark cloud in the sky

窗外又是阴雨时候

chuāng wài yòu shì yīn yǔ shí hòu

When the window is wet

伞下的恋人中

sǎn xià de liàn rén zhōng

Under the umbrella of the lover in

不再有你我手牵手

bù zài yǒu nǐ wǒ shǒu qiān shǒu

I no longer have your hands

一切过了太久

yī qiē guò le tài jǐu

All over the long

我们的十字路口

wǒ men de shí zì lù kǒu

We are the crossroads

下一站是谁在等候

xià yī zhàn shì shuí zài děng hòu

Who is waiting for the next stop

你我的方向盘却向着

nǐ wǒ de fāng xiàng pán què xiàng zhe

But the steering wheel toward you and me

相反的彼岸

xiāng fǎn de bǐ àn

The opposite side

终点还是分开

zhōng diǎn hái shì fēn kāi

End or separate

告别你我离开之后

gào bié nǐ wǒ lí kāi zhī hòu

Say goodbye to you after I left

这回忆可以保留

zhè huí yì kě yǐ bǎo líu

This memory can be retained

当初那美好的感动

dāng chū nà měi hǎo de gǎn dòng

It had moved a good

你说你记住了

nǐ shuō nǐ jì zhù le

You said you remember

不为彼此难过

bù wéi bǐ cǐ nán guò

Not bad for each other

过各自的生活

guò gè zì de shēng huó

Lead their own life

oh baby～

oh baby～

oh baby～

你答应我的我都记得

nǐ dá yīng wǒ de wǒ dōu jì dé

You promised me I remember

但是你却忘了你的承诺

dàn shì nǐ què wàng le nǐ de chéng nuò

But you forgot your promise

不是说好彼此都不再联络

bù shì shuō hǎo bǐ cǐ dōu bù zài lián luò

To say that you are no longer contact each other

谁都别再犯错

shuí dōu bié zài fàn cuò

No one Do not make mistakes

是我的固执让你难过

shì wǒ de gù zhí ràng nǐ nán guò

Is my obsession to make you sad

但是分手却也无法选择

dàn shì fēn shǒu què yě wú fǎ xuǎn zé

But it also can not choose break

我走了以后

wǒ zǒu le yǐ hòu

After I left

你要好好生活

nǐ yào hǎo hǎo shēng huó

You want a good life

不要想我 也别再哭了

bù yào xiǎng wǒ yě bié zài kū le

Do not miss me And stop crying

我们的十字路口

wǒ men de shí zì lù kǒu

We are the crossroads

下一站是谁在等候

xià yī zhàn shì shuí zài děng hòu

Who is waiting for the next stop

你我的方向盘却向着

nǐ wǒ de fāng xiàng pán què xiàng zhe

But the steering wheel toward you and me

相反的彼岸

xiāng fǎn de bǐ àn

The opposite side

终点还是分开

zhōng diǎn hái shì fēn kāi

End or separate

告别你我离开之后

gào bié nǐ wǒ lí kāi zhī hòu

Say goodbye to you after I left

这回忆可以保留

zhè huí yì kě yǐ bǎo líu

This memory can be retained

当初那美好的感动

dāng chū nà měi hǎo de gǎn dòng

It had moved a good

你说你记住了

nǐ shuō nǐ jì zhù le

You said you remember

不为彼此难过

bù wéi bǐ cǐ nán guò

Not bad for each other

过各自的生活

guò gè zì de shēng huó

Lead their own life

oh baby～

oh baby～

oh baby～

你答应我的我都记得

nǐ dá yīng wǒ de wǒ dōu jì dé

You promised me I remember

但是你却忘了你的承诺

dàn shì nǐ què wàng le nǐ de chéng nuò

But you forgot your promise

不是说好彼此都不再联络

bù shì shuō hǎo bǐ cǐ dōu bù zài lián luò

To say that you are no longer contact each other

谁都别再犯错

shuí dōu bié zài fàn cuò

No one Do not make mistakes

是我的固执让你难过

shì wǒ de gù zhí ràng nǐ nán guò

Is my obsession to make you sad

但是分手却也无法选择

dàn shì fēn shǒu què yě wú fǎ xuǎn zé

But it also can not choose break

我走了以后

wǒ zǒu le yǐ hòu

After I left

你要好好生活

nǐ yào hǎo hǎo shēng huó

You want a good life

不要想我 也别再～

bù yào xiǎng wǒ yě bié zài ～

Do not miss me Also stop ~

你答应我的我都记得

nǐ dá yīng wǒ de wǒ dōu jì dé

You promised me I remember

但是你却忘了你的承诺

dàn shì nǐ què wàng le nǐ de chéng nuò

But you forgot your promise

不是说好彼此都不再联络

bù shì shuō hǎo bǐ cǐ dōu bù zài lián luò

To say that you are no longer contact each other

谁都别再犯错

shuí dōu bié zài fàn cuò

No one Do not make mistakes

是我的固执让你难过

shì wǒ de gù zhí ràng nǐ nán guò

Is my obsession to make you sad

但是分手却也无法选择

dàn shì fēn shǒu què yě wú fǎ xuǎn zé

But it also can not choose break

我走了以后

wǒ zǒu le yǐ hòu

After I left

你要好好生活

nǐ yào hǎo hǎo shēng huó

You want a good life

不要想我 也别再～

bù yào xiǎng wǒ yě bié zài kū le

Do not miss me And stop crying

wū yún zhē bì le tiān kōng

chuāng wài yòu shì yīn yǔ shí hòu

sǎn xià de liàn rén zhōng

bù zài yǒu nǐ wǒ shǒu qiān shǒu

yī qiē guò le tài jǐu

wǒ men de shí zì lù kǒu

xià yī zhàn shì shuí zài děng hòu

nǐ wǒ de fāng xiàng pán què xiàng zhe

xiāng fǎn de bǐ àn

zhōng diǎn hái shì fēn kāi

gào bié nǐ wǒ lí kāi zhī hòu

zhè huí yì kě yǐ bǎo líu

dāng chū nà měi hǎo de gǎn dòng

nǐ shuō nǐ jì zhù le

bù wéi bǐ cǐ nán guò

guò gè zì de shēng huó

oh baby～

nǐ dá yīng wǒ de wǒ dōu jì dé

dàn shì nǐ què wàng le nǐ de chéng nuò

bù shì shuō hǎo bǐ cǐ dōu bù zài lián luò

shuí dōu bié zài fàn cuò

shì wǒ de gù zhí ràng nǐ nán guò

dàn shì fēn shǒu què yě wú fǎ xuǎn zé

wǒ zǒu le yǐ hòu

nǐ yào hǎo hǎo shēng huó

bù yào xiǎng wǒ yě bié zài kū le

wǒ men de shí zì lù kǒu

xià yī zhàn shì shuí zài děng hòu

nǐ wǒ de fāng xiàng pán què xiàng zhe

xiāng fǎn de bǐ àn

zhōng diǎn hái shì fēn kāi

gào bié nǐ wǒ lí kāi zhī hòu

zhè huí yì kě yǐ bǎo líu

dāng chū nà měi hǎo de gǎn dòng

nǐ shuō nǐ jì zhù le

bù wéi bǐ cǐ nán guò

guò gè zì de shēng huó

oh baby～

nǐ dá yīng wǒ de wǒ dōu jì dé

dàn shì nǐ què wàng le nǐ de chéng nuò

bù shì shuō hǎo bǐ cǐ dōu bù zài lián luò

shuí dōu bié zài fàn cuò

shì wǒ de gù zhí ràng nǐ nán guò

dàn shì fēn shǒu què yě wú fǎ xuǎn zé

wǒ zǒu le yǐ hòu

nǐ yào hǎo hǎo shēng huó

bù yào xiǎng wǒ yě bié zài ～

nǐ dá yīng wǒ de wǒ dōu jì dé

dàn shì nǐ què wàng le nǐ de chéng nuò

bù shì shuō hǎo bǐ cǐ dōu bù zài lián luò

shuí dōu bié zài fàn cuò

shì wǒ de gù zhí ràng nǐ nán guò

dàn shì fēn shǒu què yě wú fǎ xuǎn zé

wǒ zǒu le yǐ hòu

nǐ yào hǎo hǎo shēng huó

bù yào xiǎng wǒ yě bié zài kū le

mask of pretention

I trying to pretend that I am fine .. trying to show that I have proceed with my life with ease .. but in fact I really miss

Yunzhong
SiewTing
Ada
Yuki
Eveline
kevin chng

If there is just something that I could wish.. I wish I could just return back in time and tell myself in the past not to be too close to them cuz one day there will be a day like today..

when friendship has been teared and there is no way to patch it back the way it uses to be..

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Birthday.. Thank you God - for marcus' trust

this may sound a lil bit gay but I guess dear blog should hear abt this..

The greatest hapiness that i have in 2011 is having Marcus wong to gain his trust back on me..

I had been trying to gain his trust for more than 2 years and for that 2 years I have been failing.. he still thought I was gay, He still freaked out with me..

In those 2 years I had problems with my own life.. (siew ting rejects me, love life prob with eveline and then yuki ) often i doubt myself if i were actually meant to be straight ( not bcz i like guys, but bcz i seems to have lots of problems with girls).. i would eventually put my final bet on asking marcuz out, if he still didnt trust me that meant perhaps i was really meant to gay.. and yeah for that 2 fucking years I had been hurting myself.. literary..


becoz eventually the conclusion was still marcuz was still freaked out of me.. to me it was like God trying to tell me that I meant to be gay.. i was super pissed..

In my eyes as his friend, He is just like an ordinary guy who has a lil more brain.. he is kind and polite .. but the thing that makes me damn happy is not so much abt him...

It is about myself.. in the world of my friendship, i really have a goal on what kind of friends i wanna mix with.. I had luqman , yeohon, mansur, kelvin , zack, etc.. each from different world with unique character.. but these people are themselves.. the dont really share the same thoughts as me...

when i met marcuz 2 years ago.. i was like surpriced.. cuz the first time in my life i was actually talking to a person that thinks like me, believe in the same future as mine..a person that love to use phychology to crack ppl's mind ( although he seems more pro in this field) just like me..


i pledged and i swore i had to befriend with him.. and I still carry that pledge untill now..

and in my 21th birthday.. hi hung up with him and luqman...marcuz seems to hv taken a small step to try to trust me again.. and that small step is actually meant alot for me..

i am very happy now he finally trusts me.. his trust and this brotherhood i shall protect forever with my own blood, yeah.. his trust and this brotherhood worth more than my own life.. at least for now..

thank you god..
and thanks wong for giving me another chance....

Lot of things have happened

days have just spoken for themselves... too much haf happen since I last blog... too much that I could only mention some...

siew ting-
I pledged not to talk to her forever..


yeow hon-
He apologizes to me abt things that make everything wrong, but yeah It is all too late.. now, I have changed, ada has changed and i guess there is no wag we could patch back friendship the way it used to be.

marcus wong-
after 2 years of distrusting me he finally trust me... we hang out like every week eversince my birthday.. haha.. I am damn happy..

yunzhong-
no comments.. I shall just let the tides move...

rayhana and indra-
I really seldom meet them, but yeah.. they r always be in my hearts (as friends) ... winks..

and now... I hv to find job.. damn.. =(

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Time Flies....

Sure... time really flies fast... I have just completed my last paper for my last examination in temasek polyetchnic... 95% Chances for me to graduate from polytechnic this semester... So yeah... I am just gonna wait for the examination result which will be out in few weeks times..

The Clock is ticking...

an empty thought has been haunting me for days.. weeks and even months... Now when everything seems to have crumbled apart , it seems that hope has start to appear from the other side of my life...

I miss my teenage moments... Days when I did not have any slightest worry about my future.. I hope I should had been a little naughtier.. rather than behaving in modest ways... Mhh... The Clock is ticking... Slowly but surely... I am moving away from my time in Temasek polytechnic...