Historical and histerical day

Today a historical and hysterical day for me.. I went for a mentor interview, an interview that I personally find it disturbing. Those people interviewing me are my past friends from my past camps who are at the same badge with me. Secondly, Today is BB agm.. I didn’t attend it for a reason, but yeah I do remember something. This time last year I was sitting on LT 44 , looking at Yessy brought upwards as BB new main com. I am holding my tears, since somehow I realize that will be the last day she will see me as friend and it was true. I heard yun zhong was ushering BB AGM, I know.. He has done his responsibility as their friend. He is a good guy, his future is bright, though it may look bleak in the surface, actually it shines brighter than the mighty sun.

My past has been haunting me for more than a year. Even until now. No one can help me. Not even myself. It is the dark destiny that refuse to leave me no matter wht I do.

Today I open my cards again. It says I am going to lose a good friend that is dearest to me. Haha. Is it yeow hon? Ada? Indra? Siewting? Or maybe even Yun zhong? I don’t know. I hope my cards are corrupted. I really hope so.


My birthday is at 28th of march , 2 more monthes away. Yun zhong birthday is at 28th of feb, 1 more month away. Miue and apparently siew ting birthday falls at the same date, 14 of march ,1.5 monthes away.

for the past 4 years , I always be lonely during my birthday. It is usually the period of my most down time in the year. I dont care anymore. I only wish this time round during my birthday, I am not losing any of dearest friend. Not any one of them.

for the past 3 years, I have been celebrating my birthday together with miue because it falls in the same month. (my guardian arranges a birthday once a month for the tenants). this time round, I dont really think so. seriously. I dont know wht miue is thinking now. But out of my ego, I deeply misses her as my dearest friend.

I am stupid. Siew ting is right. I am stupid.

I always make things into a haste, why should I break my friendship with miue. is it really worth it?

This morning when I opened the one section on my drawer searching for any clothes that can suits me for todays. A chunk of junks fell on my head. I looked at it. obswerved it carefully.

It was not junks. those were things miue gave me last time. I quickly put back those thing back to where it belongs and I left my room immidiately. I didnt realise I started drippping my tears again. In fact i still miss her . so much..

I have not eaten lunch until this dinner hour. I texted yun zhong, aske indra, siew ting, yeow hon and ada. They all had their stuff to do. Siew ting had just eaten. I am pissed.

maybe they wondered why didnt I go to eat by my own?

They had to understand something. I rather die of stravation than having to eat by my own when I am in emo state. I would feel even more down, more friendless and lonely .

eating is a sacred stuff for me. especially in school.