haiz... I cant take it..

I was walking alone around Tampenis east CC mc donalds, Some call it Afgan, Some call it Tampenis GRC, Some call it block 201... whatever... as long as you know the place... it is fine...

As a walked I realized I was all alone... and it was already 1am in the morning... I had been walking for the last 10 mins trying to kill my boredom and stress since I had been studying in MCD for the past 3 hours. Mhh.. My mind goes wild, not knowing wht to think. I took some of empty cans loitered around the path way and threw them into the garbage bin. I feel like doing some kind of act of random kindness.at least it can sure my heart.

As I continued walking I saw one fruit store that is still open . I bought a piece of pamelo .

It is just a small happiness. Sometimes I have to enjoy small small little things. Today I get fucking pissed of with yeow hon. He announce to mansur that I was "Bastarding" yeow hon few days ago.

Remember the case where I went home from mc donald? It was on my last last blog posting. check it out. Mhh...

So yeah.. I just replied. he is even bastard me if he had not understand me. suddenly he yelled. "why should I understand you,you are the one who ask me to follow you!"

I kept quiet and I left without saying any word. How can a friend says that . does he even have to tell everybody regarding my bad stuff. Well i did apologized to him the other day. I was so freaking pissed off with *** and some of my friend who seriously dunno how to answer smses, so much so that I seriously, all of sudden not in mood on studying anymore.

I dunno wht to say.. I just reached home by cab, few minutes ago. and now is 3am. 2moro is my first exam paper.and now i am blogging...

I really ponder seriously. Why am I born as wht am I?

here is my stats.

Name : Dimas Bayumutirama
English Name: Alexander Demagnetha Demetrius
Chinese name (self-made) :李宇航
Age : 20 (This year)
Height: 168cm
Weight:64kg
Race : Javanese
Language spoken : Indonesian, English , Malay, Javanese, Mandarin, Sundanese,Arabic.



Why am I born as a javanese? whereas I kept falling in love to Chinese gals. Seriously. No matter wht I do, I am still javanese. I am still black. My hair is still wavy. I am getting frustated with these. People around me keep saying... "Be yourself"

What is myself? Javanese... Oh nono... I dont behave like javanese. I dont dress like javanese. I am like somewhat, a guy who have lost my own color and culture.

I kept looking at Yunzhong , Naiwang, and even yeow hon sometimes. If I were them, Maybe I will not find difficulty on finding girlfriend..

In my country, there are lots of girls, undoubtedly more Hot and pretty than Singaporean or any Chinese gals. I don't know ,somehow they just cannot attract me. They said I am type of guy who can make girls turn their head and take a glance for a while. Well I replied to them, I am a type of guy who will not turn my head when walking pass by any Indonesian girls, no matter how hot and beautiful they are..

I am cutting my social cycle. I simply has no much indonesian and malay friends on my social cycle, hoping that my confining myself with chinese friends, I will be able to make myself... to somehow... become like them... Well... that's the last thing I can do.. I am just too tired of finding out who am I...