Friendship

The real friendship is friendship that stays long , very long and will not be bothered no matter what. that is the reality that see by my own eyes.

Indrani and siew ting. They have been a very close friend since secondary school. They know one another pretty well. They are so close so much so that if u are close to indrani, whether you like it or not, you will you will someone be inside siewting's social cycle.

kang yun zhong. He is a very good part of his own friends,-clement, weilun, yongliang , etc etc. They have been a group of very close friend ever since secondary school time. That explains why their bonds between one another is simply unbreakable . When one fall down everyone in the team will be willing to give a helping hand. This is friendship. When I am in between them, I maybe the odd one out, but seriously saying, I envy their strong friendship, build from scratch even all the way until polytechnic.

I always living alone. If you ask me. Who is by best friend , and who is my good friend. I can of course mention their name one by one, but I can bet... all so called my good friend and best friend, do not regard me as well as how I regard them as. This is for sure. For the past 5 years of staying in singapore, I have been or ever been close to more than 15 people and most of them are no where to be found now. This is what I am.

I always put friendship to a higher priority than anything, even higher than love. When this happens the friendship balance has been over weighted at my side, causing the friendship to just collapse soon or later.

There are of course psychological barrier and acceptance that plays a very important factor on my own social cycle. I to yeow hon, for example cannot be as close yeow hon to ada; same goes to indrani to siewting; also same goes to yunzhong to his own clique. This is a natural process of acceptance that will take years to achieve , and time is the thing I am running out .
This is wht happen when the balance is broken.

"... if you want a friend who can always accompany you, then i'm sry, I am not that type..... When you just know someone, a guy, dont keep asking 'what you are doing", the guy will feel weird... and dont keep asking a guy out unless u have been close friend for a very long time.."

My hypothesis was correct. Acceptance takes a very long period of time. When you try to breach in and be part of the social cycle, it doesn't work as per expected. What will happen is only rejection, either in a harsh way or "silent" way.

Here in Singapore, People like me are very hard to maintain a close friendship. People who just know me , they will think I am a very friendly person and all, but in fact though I have uncountable friends and acquiescence, no one really regard me as precious, a good, not to mention best friend.

I maybe close to yunzhong and yeow hon, but I seriously wonder whether they regard me as how I regard them. Or maybe they are just doing some kind of favor my helping a people like me, to find friends. Perhaps, just maybe, I need them much more than they need me.

maybe after all, I am destine to stay all alone by myself. That is a destiny , but That is a destiny I always refuse to admit.

My blog. I am just stupid. Please just let me die now.