Oh my god

How in the hell can I forget about alexander eng zhen an emmanuel....

in any minute I always some how feel bad to him... I want to recouncil... but my logic and ego said....


"NO!!!"
"for alexander hath screwed your life...
he may be the one who hath saveth you from commiting suicide..
but he was also the one who...
who...
who..."



"who what?", I asked...


"I dont know... but just fucking listen to me... alexander is evil!!... get away from him... since he regards u as rubbish...just like how you previous best friends treated you..."


"shut up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" "this is my life , my problem, my decision!!!"






Oh my god... that phrase as i can recall, was told by alex.... arghh.... what sin did i commit to alex... so much so that I cant even feel apeace recently... and in every of my prayer before my sleep.... I always say.....

"oh god.. hopefully alex will again unblock my msn.. or at least just text me.. so I will have a reason to talk to him"
"and if i am given another chance to recouncel... In thee name... I will not be so arrogant like last time.."

but I think.... god will not hear my prayer this time... He will continue letting me be like this for near future... as a punishment... punishment for I had been so ignorant about his grace....

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