Haiz,,,,

Alexander Demetrius says:
hi

Hieu says:
oh

Alexander Demetrius says:
oh
wht
lol
u are playing LAN now ha

Hieu says:
oh

Alexander Demetrius says:
??

Hieu says:
wat

Alexander Demetrius says:
haiz

Hieu says:
delete miue's fb alr stil to add
??
Alexander Demetrius says:
wht add?

Hieu says:
haizz
u delete miue fb alr
stil try to add bk
wat u wanna do

Alexander Demetrius says:
wtf
I never add back?

Hieu says:
she told me baby
wanna lie
??

Alexander Demetrius says:
I never add her
ask her to reject it...
wth

Hieu says:
haizz
nvm
i didnt ask she alr did

Alexander Demetrius says:
sure
ask ur best friend.. ken and william
must be them
he used my computer juz now
seriously
I get pissed of by them now


that is msn convo with anthony... I really wonder if he has anything better to say.... why should he put an attempt to offend me... haiz... demetry.. plz understand!!

besides I didnt even add miue back in fb... a stupid asshole go and use my facebook and add her back soon only to create prob with me... and drop my dignity infront of anthony.. I really curse who ever that dude is...

miue also one thing... why should she report everything big or small thing to anthony... some more things that regard to me... haiz... he is very sensitive with that... unnecessary misunderstanding can happen...

endless night..

I am very sick.. headache +high fever+ influenza+ sorethoart ... and yeah my temperature was 39.5 degree celcius yesterday... I went to hospital , The doctor insist on me to take a rest for 5 days but my orgcom attendence is alrd 75% other attendence is already at border line... eventually he gave me 2 days MC... but ...still I gonna miss my orgcom today..天啊我应该做什么。。。


yesterday night I am so bored + sick+ stress... I tried to call yeow hon , my best friend... but he never answer my call.. so sad... think he is a bit busy these days...
then I msg yun zhong... mhh he is busy dong hiss comprog project... I dont want to disturb him.. mhh.. then I called this gal..

well fine... i admit... I like her...
u wanna know who?? nah... its secret for now.. it is not the time yet for me to name her in my dear blog... let us give her a nick name... mhh... marry , sounds good..

i told marry I was in hospital, and just consulted a doctor... once I hear her voice, It seems that my sickness a lil bit healed.. I also Do not knw this strange feeling.. we chat and all taking crap from almost an hour...

my guardian complained... she said " I thought u sick, you cant walk, you cant eat? how come u can talk untill so long like that"... I just keep laughing to myself maybe she doesnt know... "talking to her" can heal me better than those 12 different medication the doctor gave me... lolx...

She sounds more friendly in the phone than in a real live when talking to me.. I donno why... haha..

Yesterday afternoon I msg a girl who really like joses... oh yeah... I forgot to tell you who is joses.. Joses is a guy who can lure any girls he wishes to lure... practically most of girl I know from camp, really bound on him... being as a friend, best friend, and even some one who likes him... all the girls simply would care abt anything else when they meet joses.. even JOVINA... my friend... who claimed to be joses close friend...

so yeah I msg that girl.. her house is just opposite my house I was about to ask her to meet up for u lunch... right under the block.. just as a friend... I dont have any feeling to her... guess what... she cant make it... cuz of who...? yeah... JOSES... she told me earlier... liking JOSES is not something good.. but she just dont understand why she would melt whenever she met him...

i getting really pissed of with him... but to some extent I admire him for being able to lure the ladies.. +.+

and yeah... few hours before I called marry..miue went online... she demanded answer from me... for deleting her and anthony facebook.. she ask me 2 times but I keep changing the topic.. and she asked no more..

she told me she is fine and all.. I am quite glad to hear that ... but I felt guilty for not answering her question.. so I myself asked her.. then suddenly she asked me again...

I told her "sometimes things are better left unknown, isnt it? I just dont want to stress urself"...then she said " its ok, i dont really want to know also" ... I thought she is angry but then she told me she is not angry at all.. when i typed that I actually cried... I just dont want her to know that I actually really love her... to the extend that I dont want her to think to much about me...

I am really stupid ..

I think marry and miue... never even love me...



both marry and miue share one common thing... both of them fall in love with another guy... and yeah... I am just an ugly guy... walking from time to time searching for true love which yet to be found...

I am just really stupid..

at night I laid down on the sofa on the balcony... with my friend william and ken.. they keep telling me how stupid am I ... one urged me to betray anthony and get miue to like me... haha... I immediately shouted at them.. I told them I wuldnt do that...i just want miue to be happy.. even if it is with anthony...maybe miue is just a girl in this spinning world... but in my eyes.. she is just like a world to me..

William: how the hell you know miue is happy with anthony?
Me : I dont really know, but I believe on it... since she really love him...
William: You are so stupid..

on my heart... I actually agreed with william... haiz.. I didt know what should I say...

I chated with both for them till 2 am.. when I actually fall asleep on the balcony... and they left me there.. mhh..

cloteh

sepertinya memeng bernar adanya, bahawasanya tidak ada yang lebih pedih dari melihat perubahan yang nyata dari temanmu.

I always ask myself what is I am a bird that can fly to the horison freely without any hesistation? maybe I just feel I am like a fisherman who has lost direction and do not know where to go.. alas God... Maybe I will have to just lie back on my shoulder and wait for miracle to happen. But what if all of sudden storm strucks ? a large wave hits my starboard and .. alas... My boat sink... what would my children think?

Terbangnya aku bagai seekor burung yang tiba tiba saja dilepaskan oleh tuannya.. ah bahagianya aku, terlepas dari semua jeratan dan semua penderitaaan yang sudah berabab-abab mengikat kedua kakiku...

Deru deru kalbu ( heart utteings)

Deru deru kalbu

by.Alexander Demetrius

mungkin aku hanyalah debu
atau aku bahagian dari bayu
atau mungkin aku hanyalah bisikan sayu
yang mengisi setiap kesnyian malam

Biarkan aku bernyanyi walau lagi tak usai henti
biarkan aku terus mengharap bintang yang tak jua bersinar
idatas cinta yang tak mau lepas
dari hatiku yang fakir
namun tetap kikir


Membentanglahlah langit
biarkan aku tunjukan
bahawa aku masih lekaki
aku dapat berteriak
aku dapat menjerit
bila pecah dinding cakerawaka
janganlah salahkan aku oh tuhan
bila pecah dinding hatiku
itu tetap salahku
karna aku gagal untuk berharap
aku gagal untuk mencinta
aku gagal untuk terbuka
aku gagal untuk bersabar

aku telah lelah
mengikuti semua langkah kakimu
diatas harapan dapat memiliki mu
berbagai cara telah aku lalkukan untuk hidupmu
hingga aku
mengorbakan hidupku
buka hatimu...
bukalah sedikit untukkku...
sehingga diriku bisa memilikimu...

bukalah kunci yang mengikat hatiku
walaupun mata hatimu
masih terpejam untukku
mungkin aku hanya bisa berharap
menuliskan puisi yang amat tak dapat dimengerti
tapi aku ingin kau ketahui
teramat sangat jawaku ini
tercabik cabik
semala aku membantu hidupmu
biarlah airmata
ini
mengalir di sungai cinta
walau sungailah sudah kering
beberapa abad yang lalu


mungkin dalam hidupku
tidak akan pernah ada cinta yg dapat kuraih
hanyalah cerita
hanyalah kisah
penderitaan
atas menggapai cinta
yang selalu ku harap
tangisku
adalah satu bukti yang masih bisu..
dan aku terus menggerutu
di atas deru deru kalbu

Rendy pandita... long lost friend..... is back =)

after series of unfortunate event befell on me... Today... I had an amazing thing...

rendy pandita bastari- a long lost friend of mine, I accidentally meet him on face book.. and yeah... he is still skinny and his eyes still has the "panda" like, the dark spot thingy.. It is like a blessing from god.. you know why..?

8 years ago he is my best friend in elementary school... we were very close... hang out and all just like a friend... we even drew our japanese manga together... well yeah... that was the first time I like japanese manga... He was the person who thought me how to draw and all even until today, all the skill I had, was not much different from 8 years ago.... We have made our own version of dragonball ... hahahah...


the sad part was... i quarreled with him somehow... over a girl ... dara pratiwi.. and he get pissed off.. initially for 3 month till our graduation day.. I plan I apologize to him during that day , and I brought of finalized own-drawn comic manga sketches.. but only to my suprise he fled away , still in anger.. and that was the last time I sw him face to face.. I had several regrets for more than 3 years till I moved out to singapore...

you see.. this is how badly U really treasure friendship... My friendship always had a nasty ending in the past :''(
___________________________________________________________________________________
Between Rendy Pandita and You
Earlier Messages

Alexander Demetrius January 2 at 7:44pm
rendi... OMG shit...!! I am demetry, but last time I was called, bayu/dimas... hahhaha... how r u... I have been searching for u for years hahhaaha... inget gw? gw cuma inget terakhir kali gw liat elu... lu lagi marah sama gw.. pas pembagian raport kelas enam sd... sumpah, gw nyesel abis itu sampe 3 tahun.. :''( ... sorry ya...


Rendy Pandita January 2 at 7:50pm
Hmm..now that you've mention it..oh ya.ya..gw inget..bayu (tp rada lupa dikit),bae2 gw,gmn kbar lu?!
Hah,emg gw marah ya?gr2 ap?gw ga inget klo gw marah sma lu..
Hahaha..pantesan lu tau kalo gw dr BI,masa2 SD yg pnuh kbodohan..ko nama lu ganti sih?
Sent via Facebook Mobile


Alexander Demetrius January 2 at 7:59pm
marah gara gara gw jodoin lu sama dara pratiwi... haha gw msih inget gila... lu ngambek sampe 3 bulan, buset... sampe wisuda juga masih ngambek... mau baekan juga gak bisa soalnya kita gak ketemuan lagi... kartu katering lu kebawa ke rumah gw juga gak dibalikin hahah... Inget gak lu pinter gambar komik dulu... kita buat komik bareng2xkan.. gw cuma inget lu ,cuma satu satu temen gw di dunia yang matanya rada item >.< ... waktu liat photo lu gw langsung rada2x inget...

abis sd gw pindah ke jakarta 3 tahun trus pindah ke singapur sampe sekarang.. Gw cari nick name soalnya orang singapur salah salah ngucapin nama gw... >.< ... lu ada msn?


Rendy Pandita January 2 at 8:41pm
Oh ya hahaha sorry bay,gw ampe marah ky gtu..hehe..iya,makanya gara2 gw suka gmbr gw skrg kuliah d Desain komunikasi visual(sdmacam seni rupa tp lebih teknis),skrg lu kul d singapore dong?jurusan ap?
Oiya,klo sempet,check out my band,ad ko d facebook namanya bullseye indonesia,klo bs dgr lagunya jg ya hehe,kegiatan lu ap aj bay?
Sent via Facebook Mobile


Alexander Demetrius January 2 at 9:07pm
Gak papa.. namanya juga masa sd yang penuh dengan kebodohan.. .. gila kita dulu kan deket banget nerusin komik sampe bengkak tangan gw hehe.. cuma gara gara masalah sepele sampe marahan sampe 9 tahun.. konyol banget kan... ya.. gw sekolah di temasek polytechnic ngambil jurusan media and communication technology semacam mass com, gitu deh tapi lebih teknis juga... hebad lu bisa punya band haha...yah nanti gw denger ..kegiatan... yah biasalah .. melakukan sesuatu yang tidak berfaidah hahha... mancing ikan, nongkrong, kuliah, bolos, jalan-jalan, jualan tas expor dari indo dan thailand di jual di singapur, jualan alat kesehatan impor dari sing di jual di indo, banruin prusahaan bokap di indo.. haiz pusing deh... gw juga suka nulis puisi seperti dulu ^^... nerbitin buku puisi berbahasa melayu 3 tahun lalu... di singapur gw.. hahaha.. cuman gitulah... gak gitu laku... lolx..

ni dalam bukunya sampe ada puisi buat lo.. Gila... saking nyeselnya gw..



Maafkan Aku
(Kepada sahabat lamaku, Rendy Pandita Bestari)

Apabila daku terkenang sebuah kisah lama

kisah tentang kamu wahai sahabat lama

yang sungguh membenciku

sehingga pandangan terakhir

bermula daripada sebuah percekcokan

Percekcokan kerana wanita

Yang aku suka, yang dia suka

Sehingga hancur persahabatan kita

dan permusuhan menjadi jawapan terakhir darimu

Adakah wanita itu berbahaya

Atau hanya kita yang gila cinta

Dan tak gunakan fikiran

Lalu persahabatan hancur berantakan

Maafkan daku wahai sahabat lamaku Rendy

Walau empat tahun sudah berlalu tapi rasa sesal masih

menyelimutiku

Kutuliskan sebuah puisi untukmu

Agar hilang rasa bencimu padaku

Dan dapat kita ikat kembali tali persahabatan yang telah lama

putus

Dan membangun harapanku yang telah lama pupus

Maafkan aku wahai kawan lamaku..

Isnin, 21 Nov 2005 22:57:11 +0800 (CST)







masih kurus aja lu.. tinggi lo brapa? punya pacar gak? kuliah di mana? Basa inggrislu bagus juga... sering ke luar negri ya ^^ ...

lu ada msn? add gw bayu_desmond@hotmail.com ... ada no hp gak?



____________________________________________________________________________________



That thing is the conversation between me and him on facebook email.. Hahaha.. In indonesian language of course... translation... ? mhh... too troublesome to translate... just ask me personally i will translate it verbally... hahah

He has changed alot... i cant believe it... from an emotic guy who always get angry over some petty thing .. he became so cool.. he even has his own band... check this out...

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=1126538688862

he is the drummer... ^^ and there are many more videos of his in his facebook account... ^^

He has change alot , I dont think he will be as glad as I am now on ur reunion today... ah god... why do bad destiny always befalls on me.. mhh..

..who keep hanging in between life and dead..

Today I feel like I am the most stupid guy on the whole face of the planet. I saw a shocking reply from both anthony and miue on the wall post. It seems that both of them are making fun of me. both of them.

I realize that I am not the most handsome man on this earth, neither do I think I am handsome or such. Initially I ethnically not agree to put into a competition on who is more handsome, hiue, or me. But I realize one thing, hiue is on the bad state, he needs some kind of entertainment, and therefore I eventually agree on it...

But out of my expectation it turns to be a mockery of me, the whole hiue's friend who knows both me and him comes down to the wall post, and mock on me... hiue, and miue were part of them apparently. where is my pride oh my God, I cant find any. I have lost everything I have . and now I have lost my dignity. hiue even says that I am failure for not being able to get miue.. he says that in front of everyone.. Angry? sure I am angry...

so I went to talk to him on msn, but he is not in a good mood, I had to understand him so I change the topic... I cant find any more sultion for this.. hiue and miue is not at fault... they have done what they have to do... it is my prob now... god.. I gave up, eventually I deleted both hiue and miue facebook account form my friendlist...

I did this not over hate or wht... I did this because over love... I love miue as u know wht, and I love hiue as my friend... I also love myself... I cant take this anymore.. muie make fun of me in front of anthony and anthony did the same in front of her..

God almighty all of sudden I feel so lost... It seems that I am a worthless creature on ur benign earth... it seems that I am useless... I love someone whom I am not suppose to love ... I love miue yeah... I like her... The whole world is talking abt it now... hahahhahahahahahhaha...

I am so stupid...
1st-- she is attached
2nd-- She is attached to my friend
3rd-- She is having problem
4th-- She doesnt loves me... how do I know that....?

Hahahahahha... It will be more stupid if even ask that question... Who on earth will like a guy like me.. who!! No one... I am ugly.. everyone agrees.. I am annoying... some people agree ... and most importantly I have nothing to be proud off.. simply .. nothing...

now I have the story to tell... who is going to hear that :''( who? yeah.. no one.. my best friend is pissed off on me... and all my friend... most of them are just soo untrustworthy... then who would listen to my story when I am down.... no one... simply no body...

siew ting, indriany and shi ting is leaving me soon due to my annoyance.. and soon I will have no body... not even miue even only as my friend... I have decided let her alone with hiue... until when? until I am ready to talk to her again ....

hahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahah... what more to ask... I am a failure of everything... I am not scared of anything... i hope Anthony/hiue would just kill me... so I will be free from all this suffering... forever...

hiue is a good guy
Miue is a good girl

I think I am the stupid guy... huhahahahhahahahahahaha...

look !
Look !

no one even cares .. I will just keep shouting and screaming to this long-not-used blog... which I believe no one will be bothered to pay a visit... even long after I am gone..

god... Maybe u wont understand how much I love miue and how much I would want her to be happy with the person she really loves... even if that person will make fun of me.. even if miue herself makes fun of me... even if I have to end my life, not being able to endure such pain of being a total asshole... :"(

no one really understand...
no one would...
only myself who keep hanging in between life and death..

i miss her

It has been 9 month since she is attached to another guy... I have been trying hard to dicard all memories about her that has been lingering on my brain day and night..

But the thing that I cant deny... I still love her.. Despite my indifference attitude towards her everytime I met her in campus.. She may not be an angel that fall to earth to save mankind... nor she is the most beutiful girls that ever roam on this earth..But she is the only one who stays in my heart...

I really miss her... ****** T.T