Change blog address??

finally I have to change my blog's address... well very sorry... cuz some "termites" kept bugging off in my tag board...

dear diary.... seriously... I know that now 90% of my classmates are against me... hahahaha... I have expected that to happen... I knew that one day this thing will happen... sooner or later...

I am completely tired of all these you know... they are forcing me to participate in a game which i do not wish to play.. seriously... I am very tired....

Meaningful dream, Meet the philosopher.

Today I woke up at 1 pm..

 

It is obvious that I have taken pleasure in my sleep ... Well.. I should agree with that...

 

In my dream, I met the same mysterious philosopher whom I had revealed in my previous postings many times earlier...

 

We had a very short conversation this time...

 

 

 

He looked at me with emptiness in his eyes...

 

Demetrius= what’s wrong teacher?

 

Philosopher= You look troubled in the name of the god.. what is troubling  you?

 

Demetrius= Teacher, all of my classmates are making an army to fight in a war against me..

 

Philosopher=

Oh, demetrius, I realize about what is happening, but I can’t believe that It actually troubles you..

 

Philosopher=

 Verily, It is wrong to conclude that all of your classmates are making an army against you..  I believe there are only less than a quarter of them who in fact furious to you... the other quarter of them are concerned about you while the remaining half of them are unconcerned ,some of them are still even unaware regarding what is happening.

 

Philosopher=

Demetrius, Your attitude is fine. The only thing that is wrong with you is, at times you do not respect others and you are over-concerned regarding others bad remarks about you.

 

 

Philosopher=

You have uncountable friends out there who undoubtedly like you. It is because you can behave in a appropriate way to them. And I do wonder why can’t you behave the same way when you are in the class, or when you are with your classmates...?

 

Philosopher=

I suppose It all began when Yu Qiang decided to ignore you for a reason which was only acknowledged by he himself. Your acceptable behavior has been gradually degrading since that time onwards, particularly in the class where you meet Yu qiang for certainty.  Since then onwards at any time you encounter yu qiang's unresponsive attitude towards you, you would behave in slight different way. Demetrius, Yu qiang is not God nor he is a Deity. He is simply a human being who commits mistakes, therefore you shouldn't expect him to treat you well at all time. And trust me, He initially didn’t even realize about all this at all.

 

 

 

Philosopher=

Do not blame him for all this things. Changes are nature, so the same goes to yu qiang's changes. However your behavior’s changes are immature. You should blame yourself for constructing this catastrophe which eventually shattered the mirror of trust and respect which was once used as a mutual bind between you and some of your recent-furious-classmates.

 

Philosopher=

Now ,that precious mirror has broken. And cannot possibly reassemble its broken pieces back to recreate the same mirror you used to see.

 

Demetrius=

Great teacher, I am aware of that and I am afraid of being ignorant of what should I do next?

 

Philosopher=

The only thing about fear is fear its self. It is only your fear that makes you regard this petty tiny problem as a calamity. After all, this is not even qualified to be called as a problem. Certainly, Nothing much has to be done. Should your classmates treat you worse in the near future, the only thing you ought to do is to ignore them. At the same time you have to change your idea about yu qiang. As his 'supposed' friend, you must appreciate the alternation of his attitude towards you. Consequently with all the blessings and  will of god, everything will be back to normal. That is all Demetrius.

 

Demetrius=

Thank you teacher. I will always remember those advices.

 

Then,I was awaken by my brother’s noise. I was in silence for a moment while still holding  my blanket because the air was freezing. At a certain point, somehow I do agree that this so called catastrophe is just a petty matter. It is not a problem. However, Should it be a problem, I would not call it a “problem”. Instead I will call it, a “challenge” .

Fun studying..

MOOD = Happy cheerful and wonderful...

Perhaps no words is needed to describe..... what has happened today.... =)

Jalan jalan yang berliku

Mood... Terribly Good...

Kedua tangan yang bergemetar ternampak seakan memakan gerekanku kemanapun aku bergerak. Tidak kah cukup buku PAGI TELAH PERGI menceritakan segala gundah gelana yang terjadi di masa lalu. Kenapa mesti terulang lagi?

Seluruh kelas kini bergerak against me. ya tuhan apa yang mesti kulakukan? haruskan aku berlari lari sebagaimana apa yang aku lakukan dimasa lalu. aku hanya satu insan , sedangkan mereka bak tentera yang siap berperang di medan tempur.

Bukan sekali, bukan dua kali. Semua terulang lagi. terulang lagi. terulang lagi.


hahaha.... sudah ya...

I am off of the game... I am tired of this game.... I am just going to withdraw from it..

sudah cukup dengan semua ini tuhan. sudah cukup semuanya. Biarkan aku pilih jalan yang terbaik. Aku lebih memilih untuk tidak memiliki kawan daripada harus berpandang dan bermusuhan. Biarkan aku memilih jalan yang aku harapkan.

"dont let other's problem be yours... seriously.... dont... =)"

semoga itu memang suara tuhan yang kadang kerap berbisik di hatiku.

Berbisik dimana?

Diatas pasir yang beribisik, memangkah ini takdirku?

Adakah aku dilahirkan sebagai seorang yang selalu teraniaya?

Di atas tangis airmata yang kupersembahkan kepadamu tuhan...

Aku ingin terbebas dari belegu kehinaan ini...

aku ingin terbang bak burung rajawali menggapai mentari....

aku ingin bebas... 

terlepas....

dari semua yang membuat aku melintas teladan teladan yang telah ditetapkan...

Wahai tuhan yang maha pendengar..

dengarkanlah rintihan hatiku yang membuat seluruh makhluk menitis airmata mendengarnya..

Kenapa mesti aku tuhan?

Kenapa?

Kenapa kau mesti berikan cubaan ini kepadaku... 

Sudah CUKUP TUHAN...

aku pohon, aku meratap, aku mengemis kepadamu...

Aku ingin hidup sebagaimana layaknya insan biasa..

Aku tidak ingin teraniaya..

aku sudah bosan dengan tangis...

aku sudah bosan dengan sakit hati...

aku hanya ingin bebas... biarkanlah aku bebas...

Aku sudah penat dengan semua ini wahai tuhan yang maha pemurah...

Dengarkalah rintihan hatiku..

wahai tuhan yang maha permurah...

wahai tuhan yang maha pengasih...

hargailah darah kepahitan yang terus tercucur dari badanku...

Good bye... This is the blog that enfury my classmates

Mood=

With classmates= Indescribably SAD..
With friends from the other class = Totally Exultant...


Dear diary, dear God, dear readers...

most of the time I rarely disclose my sad feeling about life. but this time I just cant take it any longer after I had been trying to conceal it for more than a week.

In my life at poly, 70% of my time is spent with classmates and the remaining 30% I would spend with other schoolmates.

I have been having a totally Unhappy moments with half of my own classmates for the past a week. In contrast, I am much more respected and appreciated by my other campus mates, which makes my life jubilant when I have to spend time with them.

These days....

Jannah= Keep murmuring bad remarks about me. She gives the impression of being deliberately annoying me.

Jimmy= He is the worst amongst other classmates. Every time he talks with me he must employ vulgarities and strident voice as if he invites me for a duel. He shooed me away when I was about to sit in a chair between his seat and Yu Qiang's . He frantically told me that He has reserved that seat for someone. And that chair remained empty until the end of the day as what I had expected in advance.

Kelly= He is sometimes relatively indifferent and somehow he looks deliberately ignore me.

Yu qiang= These days, he rather leaves me behind unlike last time. He just refuses to start a convo with me, and merely answer my question occasionally when he thinks it's necessary.

Agnetta= This afternoon she shooed me away as she said she wanted Jimmy to sit beside her. Half-heartedly I was willing to give my seat to Jimmy... I then sat at the back.

Yu Qiang, Kelly , Agnetta, Junli =
They kept talking in Chinese 98% of times in my presence despite knowing that I couldn’t comprehend Chinese. These makes me feel so secluded. I sometimes feel as not being part of the group.

Yu Qiang , Kelly , Junli= They seem to regard me as invisible.

The class= No one paid attention when I gave an announcement during lab. None of them even looked at me as if I was nothing but a particle of dust floating in the thin air.

Dear diary, do you know what has happened on me!? I do not know which part of my attitude is unacceptable for them. I asked some of my classmates about this. BUT they simply said, "GO FIND THE ANSWER YOURSELF"

"your bad side is only seen by the eye of others". How can I possibly judge myself? If I were to judge myself, I just couldn't find anything wrong? I need someone to tell me my mistakes so that I can make amendments. However they just refuse to tell despite treating me in such way.

Dear Diary, Why these things have to happen to me again and again!?

I am really confused on what to do. Today during EPT lab session after being shooed by jimmy I was just sitting alone at the back as I tried cool down my fury. I can’t resist of not letting my tears dripped. None of my so-called friends bothered about it, only Kelly whom randomly offered me help TO COMPLETE MY EXPERIMENT which was still undone at times when most students had completed theirs.

I remembered at the same time last week, Yu Qiang had to sit alone at the back due to unavailability of the seats, I who sat with agnetta and Kelly's group, however, took my own initiative to move back and sat beside him as I just felt bad of seeing my friend sitting alone at the back. However this time, when I was on his position, he did not even bother to notice me.

More and more arrows of melancholy one by one ranged me from the back as I attempted to disregard the feeling of being the forsaken one. I kept covering my face even when I was doing the experiment, because I wanted no one to decipher my state at that time.

Finally I screwed up my EPTexperiment. I was only given 7 marks after bargaining with the teacher who initially gave me 6 marks. I Investigated the windows for a while in order to know wheatear it was operable or not. Unfortunately all of the windows were dead ones, therefore my abrupt intention of flinging my screwed project thru it had to be forgotten.

It was only when I finally met Din for studying in the library from 06.30 pm to 09.00 pm , I could eventually feel revelled. On my way home I met Farah, my Silat CCA-mates, and we had a good chat along the way.

Dear diary, whatever bad things happens in my life, I hope It will not happen for long time. Perhaps these problems are only a petty matter that may be mainly due to the childishness of each of us and my undeniable over- sensitiveness as a catalyst.

______________________________________________________________________________

Agnetta and I were asleep during the infamous math mind-numbing lecture this morning. I was leaning onto Junli’s foot.

oh...It's so comfy..

This one is even more comfy,,,, hahaha... =D

Scratching ?

Dfund Lab session, learning while scribbling on the bench (not mine)...

A short conversation with one of my classmate whom I do not want to disclose his/her name. down here I represent his name as ‘X’.

X :

Deme

X:

tomolo wat time the makeup lesson

||||>>----------Alexander Demagnetha Demetrius----------<<|||| says:

you arE?

X:

X

X:

i morning tell you already

||||>>----------Alexander Demagnetha Demetrius----------<<|||| says:

Duh

||||>>----------Alexander Demagnetha Demetrius----------<<|||| says:

Are u the mr tong

✖ #Ra'/ says:

wat mr tong?

||||>>----------Alexander Demagnetha Demetrius----------<<|||| says:

The one who commented on my blog

||||>>----------Alexander Demagnetha Demetrius----------<<|||| says:

Duh

X:

i haven gone to ur blog today

||||>>----------Alexander Demagnetha Demetrius----------<<|||| says:

+.+

X:

i dunno

X:

i now go ur blog see

||||>>----------Alexander Demagnetha Demetrius----------<<|||| says:

Mhh

X:

wats mhh

X:

tong not me

X:

i dunno is who

||||>>----------Alexander Demagnetha Demetrius----------<<|||| says:

Hey

||||>>----------Alexander Demagnetha Demetrius----------<<|||| says:

X

||||>>----------Alexander Demagnetha Demetrius----------<<|||| says:

I want to ask u one private question

||||>>----------Alexander Demagnetha Demetrius----------<<|||| says:

Can

||||>>----------Alexander Demagnetha Demetrius----------<<|||| says:

??

X:

just say

X:

i may not answer it

||||>>----------Alexander Demagnetha Demetrius----------<<|||| says:

If u are with a group of people which is not ur race and they kept talking in their mother toungue despite knowing u do not understand it

||||>>----------Alexander Demagnetha Demetrius----------<<|||| says:

how do u feel?

||||>>----------Alexander Demagnetha Demetrius----------<<|||| says:

will u feel isolated

X:

ya

X:

tats what happen to me in secondary school

X:

actually its ok

||||>>----------Alexander Demagnetha Demetrius----------<<|||| says:

so u know lah how i feel when I am with you all

X:

i'll just keep quiet

X:

reli

||||>>----------Alexander Demagnetha Demetrius----------<<|||| says:

kept quite for all time

||||>>----------Alexander Demagnetha Demetrius----------<<|||| says:

dont u feel isolated

||||>>----------Alexander Demagnetha Demetrius----------<<|||| says:

for me I dunno what to do leh

||||>>----------Alexander Demagnetha Demetrius----------<<|||| says:

I aint close to the malay guys in our class... they are just so different from me

||||>>----------Alexander Demagnetha Demetrius----------<<|||| says:

but then when I am with u ,kelly , yu qiang, agnetta, and etc

||||>>----------Alexander Demagnetha Demetrius----------<<|||| says:

you all kept talking in chinese

X:

we're used

X:

used to speaking mandrain

||||>>----------Alexander Demagnetha Demetrius----------<<|||| says:

But you all can talk english rite

||||>>----------Alexander Demagnetha Demetrius----------<<|||| says:

If u all talk mandarin I cant join the conversation

X:

ok, noted

||||>>----------Alexander Demagnetha Demetrius----------<<|||| says:

=.=

X:

i'll try to speak more english

||||>>----------Alexander Demagnetha Demetrius----------<<|||| says:

ty

||||>>----------Alexander Demagnetha Demetrius----------<<|||| says:

in our class there are only 3 groups of guya

||||>>----------Alexander Demagnetha Demetrius----------<<|||| says:

*guyas

||||>>----------Alexander Demagnetha Demetrius----------<<|||| says:

**guys

||||>>----------Alexander Demagnetha Demetrius----------<<|||| says:

malay guys group , kai, haziq, faiz, fawwaz

X:

i know

||||>>----------Alexander Demagnetha Demetrius----------<<|||| says:

1^st chinese guys groups, you kelly, yu qiang and etc

||||>>----------Alexander Demagnetha Demetrius----------<<|||| says:

and 2^nd chinese guy second group, jimmy and jin yee

||||>>----------Alexander Demagnetha Demetrius----------<<|||| says:

I dunno where I belong to sia

||||>>----------Alexander Demagnetha Demetrius----------<<|||| says:

I feel like being friendless liddat

X:

ok, tell you what

X:

this may sound harsh to you

||||>>----------Alexander Demagnetha Demetrius----------<<|||| says:

yu qiang who innitially close to me... now dunno what happen.... simply he is getting away from me

X:

i dunno whether you will listen to it and i duncare

X:

piece of advice

||||>>----------Alexander Demagnetha Demetrius----------<<|||| says:

yaya,,, whats that

X:

try to change your attitude if you want to survive in this class

X:

you shld know what i mean

||||>>----------Alexander Demagnetha Demetrius----------<<|||| says:

WHAT ATTITUdEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

||||>>----------Alexander Demagnetha Demetrius----------<<|||| says:

I would like to know that

||||>>----------Alexander Demagnetha Demetrius----------<<|||| says:

!!

X:

you found out ourself

||||>>----------Alexander Demagnetha Demetrius----------<<|||| says:

mr X... I have been trying very hard leh... I cant find anything wrong

||||>>----------Alexander Demagnetha Demetrius----------<<|||| says:

unless if u can tell me lah

X:

try harder

||||>>----------Alexander Demagnetha Demetrius----------<<|||| says:

=.=””

||||>>----------Alexander Demagnetha Demetrius----------<<|||| says:

I really begging you to tell me XY

X:

is X

||||>>----------Alexander Demagnetha Demetrius----------<<|||| says:

X

X:

find out urself

X:

ask yourself where did you go wrong

X:

why we are doing this to you

||||>>----------Alexander Demagnetha Demetrius----------<<|||| says:

man... you cannot judge yourself by ur own

||||>>----------Alexander Demagnetha Demetrius----------<<|||| says:

others are the only one who is able to do that

||||>>----------Alexander Demagnetha Demetrius----------<<|||| says:

people always say that to me...

||||>>----------Alexander Demagnetha Demetrius----------<<|||| says:

but somehow

||||>>----------Alexander Demagnetha Demetrius----------<<|||| says:

they just do not want to tell me

||||>>----------Alexander Demagnetha Demetrius----------<<|||| says:

where did I go wrong

X:

den i'm sorry

X:

how can we help you when you cant help urself by changing your attitude

||||>>----------Alexander Demagnetha Demetrius----------<<|||| says:

I am willing to change my attitude right now..... BUT i do not know what is wrong with it

X:

tats the problem

||||>>----------Alexander Demagnetha Demetrius----------<<|||| says:

then I wonder why u just do not want to tell

||||>>----------Alexander Demagnetha Demetrius----------<<|||| says:

me

||||>>----------Alexander Demagnetha Demetrius----------<<|||| says:

Is it like a riddle game or sumthing?

X:

nope

X:

figure out urself

X:

Kthxbai

Dear diary… Do you get what I meant??? Yepz,… I just do not know how to know my mistakes if no one are unwilling to tell me.

I am just tired and I wanted to have some sleep.... Let me post a good poem for you... =)

Goodbye

Well maybe now I should just say goodbye You used to be my friend But I never felt I really was yours So maybe this is the end. I'm different from you, all of you Each other we've never understood I hope that if I do tell you goodbye That it won't be for good. Whenever I'm mad it hurts me so bad And you don't even care I don't know why, I just want to cry And someday I won't be there. The streaks on my arm they've done me no harm They're only made of pen But once they are blood that turns brown like mud They'll be there again and again. If I'm mad at you I'll hurt myself too But that doesn't really matter Although when I hurt I feel like dirt And my spirit's bruised and battered. I do not know why it has to be so I really wish it did not But the way this has been going it is basically shot. You don't need me and we don't need we And that's how I think I know why These words are the ones I have to speak- I love you, but goodbye.